Act III
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| | Morning-room at the Manor House.: | |
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[GWENDOLEN and CECILY are at the window, looking out into thegarden.]
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| | GWENDOLEN. The fact that they did not follow us at once into the | |
| | house, as any one else would have done, seems to me to show that | |
| | they have some sense of shame left. | |
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| | CECILY. They have been eating muffins. That looks like | |
| | repentance. | |
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| | GWENDOLEN.[After a pause.]They don't seem to notice us at all. | |
| | Couldn't you cough? | |
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| | CECILY. But I haven't got a cough. | |
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| | GWENDOLEN. They're looking at us. What effrontery! | |
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| | CECILY. They're approaching. That's very forward of them. | |
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| | GWENDOLEN. Let us preserve a dignified silence. | |
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| | CECILY. Certainly. It's the only thing to do now.[Enter JACKfollowed by ALGERNON. They whistle some dreadful popular air froma British Opera.] | |
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| | GWENDOLEN. This dignified silence seems to produce an unpleasant | |
| | effect. | |
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| | CECILY. A most distasteful one. | |
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| | GWENDOLEN. But we will not be the first to speak. | |
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| | GWENDOLEN. Mr. Worthing, I have something very particular to ask | |
| | you. Much depends on your reply. | |
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| | CECILY. Gwendolen, your common sense is invaluable. Mr. | |
| | Moncrieff, kindly answer me the following question. Why did you | |
| | pretend to be my guardian's brother? | |
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| | ALGERNON. In order that I might have an opportunity of meeting | |
| | you. | |
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| | CECILY.[To GWENDOLEN.]That certainly seems a satisfactory | |
| | explanation, does it not? | |
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| | GWENDOLEN. Yes, dear, if you can believe him. | |
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| | CECILY. I don't. But that does not affect the wonderful beauty of | |
| | his answer. | |
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| | GWENDOLEN. True. In matters of grave importance, style, not | |
| | sincerity is the vital thing. Mr. Worthing, what explanation can | |
| | you offer to me for pretending to have a brother? Was it in order | |
| | that you might have an opportunity of coming up to town to see me | |
| | as often as possible? | |
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| | JACK. Can you doubt it, Miss Fairfax? | |
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| | GWENDOLEN. I have the gravest doubts upon the subject. But I | |
| | intend to crush them. This is not the moment for German | |
| | scepticism.[Moving to CECILY.]Their explanations appear to be | |
| | quite satisfactory, especially Mr. Worthing's. That seems to me to | |
| | have the stamp of truth upon it. | |
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| | CECILY. I am more than content with what Mr. Moncrieff said. His | |
| | voice alone inspires one with absolute credulity. | |
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| | GWENDOLEN. Then you think we should forgive them? | |
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| | GWENDOLEN. True! I had forgotten. There are principles at stake | |
| | that one cannot surrender. Which of us should tell them? The task | |
| | is not a pleasant one. | |
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| | CECILY. Could we not both speak at the same time? | |
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| | GWENDOLEN. An excellent idea! I nearly always speak at the same | |
| | time as other people. Will you take the time from me? | |
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| | CECILY. Certainly.[GWENDOLEN beats time with uplifted finger.] | |
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| | GWENDOLEN and CECILY[Speaking together.]Your Christian names are | |
| | still an insuperable barrier. That is all! | |
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| | JACK and ALGERNON[Speaking together.]Our Christian names! Is | |
| | that all? But we are going to be christened this afternoon. | |
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| | GWENDOLEN.[To JACK.]For my sake you are prepared to do this | |
| | terrible thing? | |
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| | CECILY.[To ALGERNON.]To please me you are ready to face this | |
| | fearful ordeal? | |
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| | GWENDOLEN. How absurd to talk of the equality of the sexes! Where | |
| | questions of self-sacrifice are concerned, men are infinitely | |
| | beyond us. | |
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| | JACK. We are.[Clasps hands with ALGERNON.] | |
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| | CECILY. They have moments of physical courage of which we women | |
| | know absolutely nothing. | |
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| | GWENDOLEN.[To JACK.]Darling! | |
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| | ALGERNON.[To CECILY.]Darling![They fall into each other'sarms.] | |
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[Enter MERRIMAN. When he enters he coughs loudly, seeing thesituation.]
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[Enter LADY BRACKNELL. The couples separate in alarm. ExitMERRIMAN.]
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| | LADY BRACKNELL. Gwendolen! What does this mean? | |
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| | GWENDOLEN. Merely that I am engaged to be married to Mr. Worthing, | |
| | mamma. | |
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| | LADY BRACKNELL. Come here. Sit down. Sit down immediately. | |
| | Hesitation of any kind is a sign of mental decay in the young, of | |
| | physical weakness in the old.[Turns to JACK.]Apprised, sir, of | |
| | my daughter's sudden flight by her trusty maid, whose confidence I | |
| | purchased by means of a small coin, I followed her at once by a | |
| | luggage train. Her unhappy father is, I am glad to say, under the | |
| | impression that she is attending a more than usually lengthy | |
| | lecture by the University Extension Scheme on the Influence of a | |
| | permanent income on Thought. I do not propose to undeceive him. | |
| | Indeed I have never undeceived him on any question. I would | |
| | consider it wrong. But of course, you will clearly understand that | |
| | all communication between yourself and my daughter must cease | |
| | immediately from this moment. On this point, as indeed on all | |
| | points, I am firm. | |
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| | JACK. I am engaged to be married to Gwendolen Lady Bracknell! | |
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| | LADY BRACKNELL. You are nothing of the kind, sir. And now, as | |
| | regards Algernon! . . . Algernon! | |
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| | ALGERNON. Yes, Aunt Augusta. | |
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| | LADY BRACKNELL. May I ask if it is in this house that your invalid | |
| | friend Mr. Bunbury resides? | |
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| | ALGERNON.[Stammering.]Oh! No! Bunbury doesn't live here. | |
| | Bunbury is somewhere else at present. In fact, Bunbury is dead, | |
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| | LADY BRACKNELL. Dead! When did Mr. Bunbury die? His death must | |
| | have been extremely sudden. | |
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| | ALGERNON.[Airily.]Oh! I killed Bunbury this afternoon. I mean | |
| | poor Bunbury died this afternoon. | |
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| | LADY BRACKNELL. What did he die of? | |
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| | ALGERNON. Bunbury? Oh, he was quite exploded. | |
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| | LADY BRACKNELL. Exploded! Was he the victim of a revolutionary | |
| | outrage? I was not aware that Mr. Bunbury was interested in social | |
| | legislation. If so, he is well punished for his morbidity. | |
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| | ALGERNON. My dear Aunt Augusta, I mean he was found out! The | |
| | doctors found out that Bunbury could not live, that is what I mean | |
| | - so Bunbury died. | |
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| | LADY BRACKNELL. He seems to have had great confidence in the | |
| | opinion of his physicians. I am glad, however, that he made up his | |
| | mind at the last to some definite course of action, and acted under | |
| | proper medical advice. And now that we have finally got rid of | |
| | this Mr. Bunbury, may I ask, Mr. Worthing, who is that young person | |
| | whose hand my nephew Algernon is now holding in what seems to me a | |
| | peculiarly unnecessary manner? | |
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| | JACK. That lady is Miss Cecily Cardew, my ward.[LADY BRACKNELLbows coldly to CECILY.] | |
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| | ALGERNON. I am engaged to be married to Cecily, Aunt Augusta. | |
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| | LADY BRACKNELL. I beg your pardon? | |
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| | CECILY. Mr. Moncrieff and I are engaged to be married, Lady | |
| | Bracknell. | |
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| | LADY BRACKNELL.[With a shiver, crossing to the sofa and sittingdown.]I do not know whether there is anything peculiarly exciting | |
| | in the air of this particular part of Hertfordshire, but the number | |
| | of engagements that go on seems to me considerably above the proper | |
| | average that statistics have laid down for our guidance. I think | |
| | some preliminary inquiry on my part would not be out of place. Mr. | |
| | Worthing, is Miss Cardew at all connected with any of the larger | |
| | railway stations in London? I merely desire information. Until | |
| | yesterday I had no idea that there were any families or persons | |
| | whose origin was a Terminus.[JACK looks perfectly furious, butrestrains himself.] | |
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| | JACK.[In a clear, cold voice.]Miss Cardew is the grand-daughter | |
| | of the late Mr. Thomas Cardew of 149 Belgrave Square, S.W.; Gervase | |
| | Park, Dorking, Surrey; and the Sporran, Fifeshire, N.B. | |
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| | LADY BRACKNELL. That sounds not unsatisfactory. Three addresses | |
| | always inspire confidence, even in tradesmen. But what proof have | |
| | I of their authenticity? | |
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| | JACK. I have carefully preserved the Court Guides of the period. | |
| | They are open to your inspection, Lady Bracknell. | |
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| | LADY BRACKNELL.[Grimly.]I have known strange errors in that | |
| | publication. | |
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| | JACK. Miss Cardew's family solicitors are Messrs. Markby, Markby, | |
| | and Markby. | |
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| | LADY BRACKNELL. Markby, Markby, and Markby? A firm of the very | |
| | highest position in their profession. Indeed I am told that one of | |
| | the Mr. Markby's is occasionally to be seen at dinner parties. So | |
| | far I am satisfied. | |
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| | JACK.[Very irritably.]How extremely kind of you, Lady | |
| | Bracknell! I have also in my possession, you will be pleased to | |
| | hear, certificates of Miss Cardew's birth, baptism, whooping cough, | |
| | registration, vaccination, confirmation, and the measles; both the | |
| | German and the English variety. | |
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| | LADY BRACKNELL. Ah! A life crowded with incident, I see; though | |
| | perhaps somewhat too exciting for a young girl. I am not myself in | |
| | favour of premature experiences.[Rises, looks at her watch.] | |
| | Gwendolen! the time approaches for our departure. We have not a | |
| | moment to lose. As a matter of form, Mr. Worthing, I had better | |
| | ask you if Miss Cardew has any little fortune? | |
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| | JACK. Oh! about a hundred and thirty thousand pounds in the Funds. | |
| | That is all. Goodbye, Lady Bracknell. So pleased to have seen | |
| | you. | |
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| | LADY BRACKNELL.[Sitting down again.]A moment, Mr. Worthing. A | |
| | hundred and thirty thousand pounds! And in the Funds! Miss Cardew | |
| | seems to me a most attractive young lady, now that I look at her. | |
| | Few girls of the present day have any really solid qualities, any | |
| | of the qualities that last, and improve with time. We live, I | |
| | regret to say, in an age of surfaces.[To CECILY.]Come over | |
| | here, dear.[CECILY goes across.]Pretty child! your dress is | |
| | sadly simple, and your hair seems almost as Nature might have left | |
| | it. But we can soon alter all that. A thoroughly experienced | |
| | French maid produces a really marvellous result in a very brief | |
| | space of time. I remember recommending one to young Lady Lancing, | |
| | and after three months her own husband did not know her. | |
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| | JACK. And after six months nobody knew her. | |
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| | LADY BRACKNELL.[Glares at JACK for a few moments. Then bends,with a practised smile, to CECILY.]Kindly turn round, sweet | |
| | child.[CECILY turns completely round.]No, the side view is what | |
| | I want.[CECILY presents her profile.]Yes, quite as I expected. | |
| | There are distinct social possibilities in your profile. The two | |
| | weak points in our age are its want of principle and its want of | |
| | profile. The chin a little higher, dear. Style largely depends on | |
| | the way the chin is worn. They are worn very high, just at | |
| | present. Algernon! | |
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| | ALGERNON. Yes, Aunt Augusta! | |
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| | LADY BRACKNELL. There are distinct social possibilities in Miss | |
| | Cardew's profile. | |
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| | ALGERNON. Cecily is the sweetest, dearest, prettiest girl in the | |
| | whole world. And I don't care twopence about social possibilities. | |
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| | LADY BRACKNELL. Never speak disrespectfully of Society, Algernon. | |
| | Only people who can't get into it do that.[To CECILY.]Dear | |
| | child, of course you know that Algernon has nothing but his debts | |
| | to depend upon. But I do not approve of mercenary marriages. When | |
| | I married Lord Bracknell I had no fortune of any kind. But I never | |
| | dreamed for a moment of allowing that to stand in my way. Well, I | |
| | suppose I must give my consent. | |
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| | ALGERNON. Thank you, Aunt Augusta. | |
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| | LADY BRACKNELL. Cecily, you may kiss me! | |
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| | CECILY.[Kisses her.]Thank you, Lady Bracknell. | |
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| | LADY BRACKNELL. You may also address me as Aunt Augusta for the | |
| | future. | |
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| | CECILY. Thank you, Aunt Augusta. | |
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| | LADY BRACKNELL. The marriage, I think, had better take place quite | |
| | soon. | |
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| | ALGERNON. Thank you, Aunt Augusta. | |
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| | CECILY. Thank you, Aunt Augusta. | |
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| | LADY BRACKNELL. To speak frankly, I am not in favour of long | |
| | engagements. They give people the opportunity of finding out each | |
| | other's character before marriage, which I think is never | |
| | advisable. | |
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| | JACK. I beg your pardon for interrupting you, Lady Bracknell, but | |
| | this engagement is quite out of the question. I am Miss Cardew's | |
| | guardian, and she cannot marry without my consent until she comes | |
| | of age. That consent I absolutely decline to give. | |
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| | LADY BRACKNELL. Upon what grounds may I ask? Algernon is an | |
| | extremely, I may almost say an ostentatiously, eligible young man. | |
| | He has nothing, but he looks everything. What more can one desire? | |
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| | JACK. It pains me very much to have to speak frankly to you, Lady | |
| | Bracknell, about your nephew, but the fact is that I do not approve | |
| | at all of his moral character. I suspect him of being untruthful. | |
| |
[ALGERNON and CECILY look at him in indignant amazement.]
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| | LADY BRACKNELL. Untruthful! My nephew Algernon? Impossible! He | |
| | is an Oxonian. | |
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| | JACK. I fear there can be no possible doubt about the matter. | |
| | This afternoon during my temporary absence in London on an | |
| | important question of romance, he obtained admission to my house by | |
| | means of the false pretence of being my brother. Under an assumed | |
| | name he drank, I've just been informed by my butler, an entire pint | |
| | bottle of my Perrier-Jouet, Brut, '89; wine I was specially | |
| | reserving for myself. Continuing his disgraceful deception, he | |
| | succeeded in the course of the afternoon in alienating the | |
| | affections of my only ward. He subsequently stayed to tea, and | |
| | devoured every single muffin. And what makes his conduct all the | |
| | more heartless is, that he was perfectly well aware from the first | |
| | that I have no brother, that I never had a brother, and that I | |
| | don't intend to have a brother, not even of any kind. I distinctly | |
| | told him so myself yesterday afternoon. | |
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| | LADY BRACKNELL. Ahem! Mr. Worthing, after careful consideration I | |
| | have decided entirely to overlook my nephew's conduct to you. | |
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| | JACK. That is very generous of you, Lady Bracknell. My own | |
| | decision, however, is unalterable. I decline to give my consent. | |
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| | LADY BRACKNELL.[To CECILY.]Come here, sweet child.[CECILYgoes over.]How old are you, dear? | |
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| | CECILY. Well, I am really only eighteen, but I always admit to | |
| | twenty when I go to evening parties. | |
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| | LADY BRACKNELL. You are perfectly right in making some slight | |
| | alteration. Indeed, no woman should ever be quite accurate about | |
| | her age. It looks so calculating . . .[In a meditative manner.] | |
| | Eighteen, but admitting to twenty at evening parties. Well, it | |
| | will not be very long before you are of age and free from the | |
| | restraints of tutelage. So I don't think your guardian's consent | |
| | is, after all, a matter of any importance. | |
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| | JACK. Pray excuse me, Lady Bracknell, for interrupting you again, | |
| | but it is only fair to tell you that according to the terms of her | |
| | grandfather's will Miss Cardew does not come legally of age till | |
| | she is thirty-five. | |
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| | LADY BRACKNELL. That does not seem to me to be a grave objection. | |
| | Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of | |
| | women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, | |
| | remained thirty-five for years. Lady Dumbleton is an instance in | |
| | point. To my own knowledge she has been thirty-five ever since she | |
| | arrived at the age of forty, which was many years ago now. I see | |
| | no reason why our dear Cecily should not be even still more | |
| | attractive at the age you mention than she is at present. There | |
| | will be a large accumulation of property. | |
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| | CECILY. Algy, could you wait for me till I was thirty-five? | |
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| | ALGERNON. Of course I could, Cecily. You know I could. | |
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| | CECILY. Yes, I felt it instinctively, but I couldn't wait all that | |
| | time. I hate waiting even five minutes for anybody. It always | |
| | makes me rather cross. I am not punctual myself, I know, but I do | |
| | like punctuality in others, and waiting, even to be married, is | |
| | quite out of the question. | |
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| | ALGERNON. Then what is to be done, Cecily? | |
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| | CECILY. I don't know, Mr. Moncrieff. | |
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| | LADY BRACKNELL. My dear Mr. Worthing, as Miss Cardew states | |
| | positively that she cannot wait till she is thirty-five - a remark | |
| | which I am bound to say seems to me to show a somewhat impatient | |
| | nature - I would beg of you to reconsider your decision. | |
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| | JACK. But my dear Lady Bracknell, the matter is entirely in your | |
| | own hands. The moment you consent to my marriage with Gwendolen, I | |
| | will most gladly allow your nephew to form an alliance with my | |
| | ward. | |
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| | LADY BRACKNELL.[Rising and drawing herself up.]You must be | |
| | quite aware that what you propose is out of the question. | |
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| | JACK. Then a passionate celibacy is all that any of us can look | |
| | forward to. | |
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| | LADY BRACKNELL. That is not the destiny I propose for Gwendolen. | |
| | Algernon, of course, can choose for himself.[Pulls out herwatch.]Come, dear,[GWENDOLEN rises]we have already missed five, | |
| | if not six, trains. To miss any more might expose us to comment on | |
| | the platform. | |
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| | CHASUBLE. Everything is quite ready for the christenings. | |
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| | LADY BRACKNELL. The christenings, sir! Is not that somewhat | |
| | premature? | |
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| | CHASUBLE.[Looking rather puzzled, and pointing to JACK andALGERNON.]Both these gentlemen have expressed a desire for | |
| | immediate baptism. | |
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| | LADY BRACKNELL. At their age? The idea is grotesque and | |
| | irreligious! Algernon, I forbid you to be baptized. I will not | |
| | hear of such excesses. Lord Bracknell would be highly displeased | |
| | if he learned that that was the way in which you wasted your time | |
| | and money. | |
|
|
| | CHASUBLE. Am I to understand then that there are to he no | |
| | christenings at all this afternoon? | |
|
|
| | JACK. I don't think that, as things are now, it would be of much | |
| | practical value to either of us, Dr. Chasuble. | |
|
|
| | CHASUBLE. I am grieved to hear such sentiments from you, Mr. | |
| | Worthing. They savour of the heretical views of the Anabaptists, | |
| | views that I have completely refuted in four of my unpublished | |
| | sermons. However, as your present mood seems to be one peculiarly | |
| | secular, I will return to the church at once. Indeed, I have just | |
| | been informed by the pew-opener that for the last hour and a half | |
| | Miss Prism has been waiting for me in the vestry. | |
|
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| | LADY BRACKNELL.[Starting.]Miss Prism! Did I bear you mention a | |
| | Miss Prism? | |
|
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| | CHASUBLE. Yes, Lady Bracknell. I am on my way to join her. | |
|
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| | LADY BRACKNELL. Pray allow me to detain you for a moment. This | |
| | matter may prove to be one of vital importance to Lord Bracknell | |
| | and myself. Is this Miss Prism a female of repellent aspect, | |
| | remotely connected with education? | |
|
|
| | CHASUBLE.[Somewhat indignantly.]She is the most cultivated of | |
| | ladies, and the very picture of respectability. | |
|
|
| | LADY BRACKNELL. It is obviously the same person. May I ask what | |
| | position she holds in your household? | |
|
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| | CHASUBLE.[Severely.]I am a celibate, madam. | |
|
|
| | JACK.[Interposing.]Miss Prism, Lady Bracknell, has been for the | |
| | last three years Miss Cardew's esteemed governess and valued | |
| | companion. | |
|
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| | LADY BRACKNELL. In spite of what I hear of her, I must see her at | |
| | once. Let her be sent for. | |
|
|
| | CHASUBLE.[Looking off.]She approaches; she is nigh. | |
|
|
| |
[Enter MISS PRISM hurriedly.]
| |
|
|
| | MISS PRISM. I was told you expected me in the vestry, dear Canon. | |
| | I have been waiting for you there for an hour and three-quarters. | |
| |
[Catches sight of LADY BRACKNELL, who has fixed her with a stonyglare. MISS PRISM grows pale and quails. She looks anxiouslyround as if desirous to escape.]
| |
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| | LADY BRACKNELL.[In a severe, judicial voice.]Prism![MISSPRISM bows her head in shame.]Come here, Prism![MISS PRISMapproaches in a humble manner.]Prism! Where is that baby? | |
| |
[General consternation. The CANON starts back in horror. ALGERNONand JACK pretend to be anxious to shield CECILY and GWENDOLEN fromhearing the details of a terrible public scandal.]
Twenty-eight
| |
| | years ago, Prism, you left Lord Bracknell's house, Number 104, | |
| | Upper Grosvenor Street, in charge of a perambulator that contained | |
| | a baby of the male sex. You never returned. A few weeks later, | |
| | through the elaborate investigations of the Metropolitan police, | |
| | the perambulator was discovered at midnight, standing by itself in | |
| | a remote corner of Bayswater. It contained the manuscript of a | |
| | three-volume novel of more than usually revolting sentimentality. | |
| |
[MISS PRISM starts in involuntary indignation.]
But the baby was
| |
| | not there![Every one looks at MISS PRISM.]Prism! Where is that | |
| | baby?[A pause.] | |
|
|
| | MISS PRISM. Lady Bracknell, I admit with shame that I do not know. | |
| | I only wish I did. The plain facts of the case are these. On the | |
| | morning of the day you mention, a day that is for ever branded on | |
| | my memory, I prepared as usual to take the baby out in its | |
| | perambulator. I had also with me a somewhat old, but capacious | |
| | hand-bag in which I had intended to place the manuscript of a work | |
| | of fiction that I had written during my few unoccupied hours. In a | |
| | moment of mental abstraction, for which I never can forgive myself, | |
| | I deposited the manuscript in the basinette, and placed the baby in | |
| | the hand-bag. | |
|
|
| | JACK.[Who has been listening attentively.]But where did you | |
| | deposit the hand-bag? | |
|
|
| | MISS PRISM. Do not ask me, Mr. Worthing. | |
|
|
| | JACK. Miss Prism, this is a matter of no small importance to me. | |
| | I insist on knowing where you deposited the hand-bag that contained | |
| | that infant. | |
|
|
| | MISS PRISM. I left it in the cloak-room of one of the larger | |
| | railway stations in London. | |
|
|
| | JACK. What railway station? | |
|
|
| | MISS PRISM.[Quite crushed.]Victoria. The Brighton line. | |
| |
[Sinks into a chair.]
| |
|
|
| | JACK. I must retire to my room for a moment. Gwendolen, wait here | |
| | for me. | |
|
|
| | GWENDOLEN. If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all | |
| | my life.[Exit JACK in great excitement.] | |
|
|
| | CHASUBLE. What do you think this means, Lady Bracknell? | |
|
|
| | LADY BRACKNELL. I dare not even suspect, Dr. Chasuble. I need | |
| | hardly tell you that in families of high position strange | |
| | coincidences are not supposed to occur. They are hardly considered | |
| | the thing. | |
|
|
| |
[Noises heard overhead as if some one was throwing trunks about.Every one looks up.]
| |
|
|
| | CECILY. Uncle Jack seems strangely agitated. | |
|
|
| | CHASUBLE. Your guardian has a very emotional nature. | |
|
|
| | LADY BRACKNELL. This noise is extremely unpleasant. It sounds as | |
| | if he was having an argument. I dislike arguments of any kind. | |
| | They are always vulgar, and often convincing. | |
|
|
| | CHASUBLE.[Looking up.]It has stopped now.[The noise isredoubled.] | |
|
|
| | LADY BRACKNELL. I wish he would arrive at some conclusion. | |
|
|
| | GWENDOLEN. This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last. | |
| |
[Enter JACK with a hand-bag of black leather in his hand.]
| |
|
|
| | JACK.[Rushing over to MISS PRISM.]Is this the handbag, Miss | |
| | Prism? Examine it carefully before you speak. The happiness of | |
| | more than one life depends on your answer. | |
|
|
| | MISS PRISM.[Calmly.]It seems to be mine. Yes, here is the | |
| | injury it received through the upsetting of a Gower Street omnibus | |
| | in younger and happier days. Here is the stain on the lining | |
| | caused by the explosion of a temperance beverage, an incident that | |
| | occurred at Leamington. And here, on the lock, are my initials. I | |
| | had forgotten that in an extravagant mood I had had them placed | |
| | there. The bag is undoubtedly mine. I am delighted to have it so | |
| | unexpectedly restored to me. It has been a great inconvenience | |
| | being without it all these years. | |
|
|
| | JACK.[In a pathetic voice.]Miss Prism, more is restored to you | |
| | than this hand-bag. I was the baby you placed in it. | |
|
|
| | JACK.[Embracing her.]Yes . . . mother! | |
|
|
| | MISS PRISM.[Recoiling in indignant astonishment.]Mr. Worthing! | |
| | I am unmarried | |
|
|
| | JACK. Unmarried! I do not deny that is a serious blow. But after | |
| | all, who has the right to cast a stone against one who has | |
| | suffered? Cannot repentance wipe out an act of folly? Why should | |
| | there be one law for men, and another for women? Mother, I forgive | |
| | you.[Tries to embrace her again.] | |
|
|
| | MISS PRISM.[Still more indignant.]Mr. Worthing, there is some | |
| | error.[Pointing to LADY BRACKNELL.]There is the lady who can | |
| | tell you who you really are. | |
|
|
| | JACK.[After a pause.]Lady Bracknell, I hate to seem | |
| | inquisitive, but would you kindly inform me who I am? | |
|
|
| | LADY BRACKNELL. I am afraid that the news I have to give you will | |
| | not altogether please you. You are the son of my poor sister, Mrs. | |
| | Moncrieff, and consequently Algernon's elder brother. | |
|
|
| | JACK. Algy's elder brother! Then I have a brother after all. I | |
| | knew I had a brother! I always said I had a brother! Cecily, - | |
| | how could you have ever doubted that I had a brother?[Seizes holdof ALGERNON.]Dr. Chasuble, my unfortunate brother. Miss Prism, | |
| | my unfortunate brother. Gwendolen, my unfortunate brother. Algy, | |
| | you young scoundrel, you will have to treat me with more respect in | |
| | the future. You have never behaved to me like a brother in all | |
| | your life. | |
|
|
| | ALGERNON. Well, not till to-day, old boy, I admit. I did my best, | |
| | however, though I was out of practice. | |
|
|
| | GWENDOLEN.[To JACK.]My own! But what own are you? What is | |
| | your Christian name, now that you have become some one else? | |
|
|
| | JACK. Good heavens! . . . I had quite forgotten that point. Your | |
| | decision on the subject of my name is irrevocable, I suppose? | |
|
|
| | GWENDOLEN. I never change, except in my affections. | |
|
|
| | CECILY. What a noble nature you have, Gwendolen! | |
|
|
| | JACK. Then the question had better be cleared up at once. Aunt | |
| | Augusta, a moment. At the time when Miss Prism left me in the | |
| | hand-bag, had I been christened already? | |
|
|
| | LADY BRACKNELL. Every luxury that money could buy, including | |
| | christening, had been lavished on you by your fond and doting | |
| | parents. | |
|
|
| | JACK. Then I was christened! That is settled. Now, what name was | |
| | I given? Let me know the worst. | |
|
|
| | LADY BRACKNELL. Being the eldest son you were naturally christened | |
| | after your father. | |
|
|
| | JACK.[Irritably.]Yes, but what was my father's Christian name? | |
|
|
| | LADY BRACKNELL.[Meditatively.]I cannot at the present moment | |
| | recall what the General's Christian name was. But I have no doubt | |
| | he had one. He was eccentric, I admit. But only in later years. | |
| | And that was the result of the Indian climate, and marriage, and | |
| | indigestion, and other things of that kind. | |
|
|
| | JACK. Algy! Can't you recollect what our father's Christian name | |
| | was? | |
|
|
| | ALGERNON. My dear boy, we were never even on speaking terms. He | |
| | died before I was a year old. | |
|
|
| | JACK. His name would appear in the Army Lists of the period, I | |
| | suppose, Aunt Augusta? | |
|
|
| | LADY BRACKNELL. The General was essentially a man of peace, except | |
| | in his domestic life. But I have no doubt his name would appear in | |
| | any military directory. | |
|
|
| | JACK. The Army Lists of the last forty years are here. These | |
| | delightful records should have been my constant study.[Rushes tobookcase and tears the books out.]M. Generals . . . Mallam, | |
| | Maxbohm, Magley, what ghastly names they have - Markby, Migsby, | |
| | Mobbs, Moncrieff! Lieutenant 1840, Captain, Lieutenant-Colonel, | |
| | Colonel, General 1869, Christian names, Ernest John.[Puts bookvery quietly down and speaks quite calmly.]I always told you, | |
| | Gwendolen, my name was Ernest, didn't I? Well, it is Ernest after | |
| | all. I mean it naturally is Ernest. | |
|
|
| | LADY BRACKNELL. Yes, I remember now that the General was called | |
| | Ernest, I knew I had some particular reason for disliking the name. | |
|
|
| | GWENDOLEN. Ernest! My own Ernest! I felt from the first that you | |
| | could have no other name! | |
|
|
| | JACK. Gwendolen, it is a terrible thing for a man to find out | |
| | suddenly that all his life he has been speaking nothing but the | |
| | truth. Can you forgive me? | |
|
|
| | GWENDOLEN. I can. For I feel that you are sure to change. | |
|
|
| | CHASUBLE.[To MISS PRISM.]Laetitia![Embraces her] | |
|
|
| | MISS PRISM.[Enthusiastically.]Frederick! At last! | |
|
|
| | ALGERNON. Cecily![Embraces her.]At last! | |
|
|
| | JACK. Gwendolen![Embraces her.]At last! | |
|
|
| | LADY BRACKNELL. My nephew, you seem to be displaying signs of | |
| | triviality. | |
|
|
| | JACK. On the contrary, Aunt Augusta, I've now realised for the | |
| | first time in my life the vital Importance of Being Earnest. | |
|
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|