|
|
| Let us go then, you and I, |
|
|
| When the evening is spread out against the sky |
|
|
| Like a patient etherized upon a table; |
|
|
| Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets, |
|
|
| The muttering retreats |
|
|
| Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels |
|
|
| And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells: |
|
|
| Streets that follow like a tedious argument |
|
|
| Of insidious intent |
|
|
| To lead you to an overwhelming question.... |
|
|
| Oh, do not ask, "What is it?" |
|
|
| Let us go and make our visit. |
|
|
|
|
| The yellow fog that rubs its back upon the window-panes, |
|
|
| The yellow smoke that rubs its muzzle on the window-panes |
|
|
| Licked its tongue into the corners of the evening, |
|
|
| Lingered upon the pools that stand in drains, |
|
|
| Let fall upon its back the soot that falls from chimneys, |
|
|
| Slipped by the terrace, made a sudden leap, |
|
|
| And seeing that it was a soft October night, |
|
|
| Curled once about the house, and fell asleep. |
|
|
|
|
| And indeed there will be time |
|
|
| For the yellow smoke that slides along the street, |
|
|
| Rubbing its back upon the window panes; |
|
|
| There will be time, there will be time |
|
|
| To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet |
|
|
| There will be time to murder and create, |
|
|
| And time for all the works and days of hands |
|
|
| That lift and drop a question on your plate; |
|
|
| Time for you and time for me, |
|
|
| And time yet for a hundred indecisions, |
|
|
| And for a hundred visions and revisions, |
|
|
| Before the taking of a toast and tea. |
|
|
|
|
| And indeed there will be time |
|
|
| To wonder, "Do I dare?" and, "Do I dare?" |
|
|
| Time to turn back and descend the stair, |
|
|
| With a bald spot in the middle of my hair— |
|
|
| (They will say: "How his hair is growing thin!") |
|
|
| My morning coat, my collar mounting firmly to the chin, |
|
|
| My necktie rich and modest, but asserted by a simple pin— |
|
|
| (They will say: "But how his arms and legs are thin!") |
|
|
| Do I dare |
|
|
| Disturb the universe? |
|
|
| In a minute there is time |
|
|
| For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse. |
|
|
|
|
| And I have known the arms already, known them all— |
|
|
| Arms that are braceleted and white and bare |
|
|
| (But in the lamplight, downed with light brown hair!) |
|
|
| Is it perfume from a dress |
|
|
| That makes me so digress? |
|
|
| Arms that lie along a table, or wrap about a shawl. |
|
|
| And should I then presume? |
|
|
And how should I begin? |
|
|
| . . . . . . . . . |
|
|
| Shall I say, I have gone at dusk through narrow streets |
|
|
| And watched the smoke that rises from the pipes |
|
|
| Of lonely men in shirt-sleeves, leaning out of windows? |
|
|
|
|
| I should have been a pair of ragged claws |
|
|
| Scuttling across the doors of silent seas. |
|
|
| . . . . . . . . . |
|
|
| And the afternoon, the evening, sleeps so peacefully! |
|
|
| Smoothed by long fingers, |
|
|
| Asleep ... tired ... or it malingers. |
|
|
| Stretched on on the floor, here beside you and me. |
|
|
| Should I, after tea and cakes and ices, |
|
|
| Have the strength to force the moment to its crisis? |
|
|
| But though I have wept and fasted, wept and prayed, |
|
|
| Though I have seen my head (grown slightly bald) |
|
|
| brought in upon a platter, |
|
|
| I am no prophet—and here's no great matter; |
|
|
| I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker, |
|
|
| And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker, |
|
|
| And in short, I was afraid. |
|
|
|
|
| And would it have been worth it, after all, |
|
|
| After the cups, the marmalade, the tea, |
|
|
| Among the porcelain, among some talk of you and me, |
|
|
| Would it have been worth while, |
|
|
| To have bitten off the matter with a smile, |
|
|
| To have squeezed the universe into a ball |
|
|
| To roll it toward some overwhelming question, |
|
|
| To say: "I am Lazarus, come from the dead, |
|
|
| Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all"— |
|
|
| If one, settling a pillow by her head, |
|
|
| Should say: "That is not what I meant at all; |
|
|
| That is not it, at all." |
|
|
|
|
| And would it have been worth it, after all, |
|
|
| Would it have been worth while, |
|
|
| After the sunsets and the dooryards and the sprinkled streets, |
|
|
| After the novels, after the teacups, after the skirts |
|
|
| that trail along the floor— |
|
|
| And this, and so much more?— |
|
|
| It is impossible to say just what I mean! |
|
|
| But as if a magic lantern threw the nerves in patterns on a screen: |
|
|
| Would it have been worth while If one, settling a |
|
|
| pillow or throwing off a shawl, |
|
|
| And turning toward the window, should say: |
|
|
"That is not it at all, |
|
|
That is not what I meant, at all." |
|
|
| . . . . . . . . . |
|
|
| No! I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be; |
|
|
| Am an attendant lord, one that will do |
|
|
| To swell a progress, start a scene or two, |
|
|
| Advise the prince; no doubt, an easy tool, |
|
|
| Deferential, glad to be of use, |
|
|
| Politic, cautious, and meticulous; |
|
|
| Full of high sentence, but a bit obtuse; |
|
|
| At times, indeed, almost ridiculous— |
|
|
| Almost, at times, the Fool. |
|
|
|
|
| Among the smoke and fog of a December afternoon |
|
|
| You have the scene arrange itself—as it will seem to do— |
|
|
| With "I have saved this afternoon for you"; |
|
|
| And four wax candles in the darkened room, |
|
|
| Four rings of light upon the ceiling overhead, |
|
|
| An atmosphere of Juliet's tomb |
|
|
| Prepared for all the things to be said, or left unsaid. |
|
|
| We have been, let us say, to hear the latest Pole |
|
|
| Transmit the Preludes, through his hair and finger-tips. |
|
|
| "So intimate, this Chopin, that I think his soul |
|
|
| Should be resurrected only among friends |
|
|
| Some two or three, who will not touch the bloom |
|
|
| That is rubbed and questioned in the concert room." |
|
|
| —And so the conversation slips |
|
|
| Among velleities and carefully caught regrets |
|
|
| Through attenuated tones of violins |
|
|
| Mingled with remote cornets |
|
|
| And begins. |
|
|
|
|
| "You do not know how much they mean to me, my friends, |
|
|
| And how, how rare and strange it is, to find |
|
|
| In a life composed so much, so much of odds and ends, |
|
|
| (For indeed I do not love it ... you knew? you are not blind! |
|
|
| How keen you are!) |
|
|
| To find a friend who has these qualities, |
|
|
| Who has, and gives |
|
|
| Those qualities upon which friendship lives. |
|
|
| How much it means that I say this to you— |
|
|
| Without these friendships—life, what cauchemar!" |
|
|
| Among the windings of the violins |
|
|
| And the ariettes |
|
|
| Of cracked cornets |
|
|
| Inside my brain a dull tom-tom begins |
|
|
| Absurdly hammering a prelude of its own, |
|
|
| Capricious monotone |
|
|
| That is at least one definite "false note." |
|
|
| —Let us take the air, in a tobacco trance, |
|
|
| Admire the monuments |
|
|
| Discuss the late events, |
|
|
| Correct our watches by the public clocks. |
|
|
| Then sit for half an hour and drink our bocks. |
|
|
|
|
| Now that lilacs are in bloom |
|
|
| She has a bowl of lilacs in her room |
|
|
| And twists one in her fingers while she talks. |
|
|
| "Ah, my friend, you do not know, you do not know |
|
|
| What life is, you should hold it in your hands"; |
|
|
| (Slowly twisting the lilac stalks) |
|
|
| "You let it flow from you, you let it flow, |
|
|
| And youth is cruel, and has no remorse |
|
|
| And smiles at situations which it cannot see." |
|
|
| I smile, of course, |
|
|
| And go on drinking tea. |
|
|
| "Yet with these April sunsets, that somehow recall |
|
|
| My buried life, and Paris in the Spring, |
|
|
| I feel immeasurably at peace, and find the world |
|
|
| To be wonderful and youthful, after all." |
|
|
|
|
| I take my hat: how can I make a cowardly amends |
|
|
| For what she has said to me? |
|
|
| You will see me any morning in the park |
|
|
| Reading the comics and the sporting page. |
|
|
| Particularly I remark An English countess goes upon the stage. |
|
|
| A Greek was murdered at a Polish dance, |
|
|
| Another bank defaulter has confessed. |
|
|
| I keep my countenance, I remain self-possessed |
|
|
| Except when a street piano, mechanical and tired |
|
|
| Reiterates some worn-out common song |
|
|
| With the smell of hyacinths across the garden |
|
|
| Recalling things that other people have desired. |
|
|
| Are these ideas right or wrong? |
|
|
|
|
| "For everybody said so, all our friends, |
|
|
| They all were sure our feelings would relate |
|
|
| So closely! I myself can hardly understand. |
|
|
| We must leave it now to fate. |
|
|
| You will write, at any rate. |
|
|
| Perhaps it is not too late. |
|
|
| I shall sit here, serving tea to friends." |
|
|
|
|
| And I must borrow every changing shape |
|
|
| To find expression ... dance, dance |
|
|
| Like a dancing bear, |
|
|
| Cry like a parrot, chatter like an ape. |
|
|
| Let us take the air, in a tobacco trance— |
|
|
| Well! and what if she should die some afternoon, |
|
|
| Afternoon grey and smoky, evening yellow and rose; |
|
|
| Should die and leave me sitting pen in hand |
|
|
| With the smoke coming down above the housetops; |
|
|
| Doubtful, for quite a while |
|
|
| Not knowing what to feel or if I understand |
|
|
| Or whether wise or foolish, tardy or too soon ... |
|
|
| Would she not have the advantage, after all? |
|
|
| This music is successful with a "dying fall" |
|
|
| Now that we talk of dying— |
|
|
| And should I have the right to smile? |
|
|
|
|
| The winter evening settles down |
|
|
| With smell of steaks in passageways. |
|
|
| Six o'clock. |
|
|
| The burnt-out ends of smoky days. |
|
|
| And now a gusty shower wraps |
|
|
| The grimy scraps |
|
|
| Of withered leaves about your feet |
|
|
| And newspapers from vacant lots; |
|
|
| The showers beat |
|
|
| On broken blinds and chimney-pots, |
|
|
| And at the corner of the street |
|
|
| A lonely cab-horse steams and stamps. |
|
|
| And then the lighting of the lamps. |
|
|
|
|
| You tossed a blanket from the bed, |
|
|
| You lay upon your back, and waited; |
|
|
| You dozed, and watched the night revealing |
|
|
| The thousand sordid images |
|
|
| Of which your soul was constituted; |
|
|
| They flickered against the ceiling. |
|
|
| And when all the world came back |
|
|
| And the light crept up between the shutters, |
|
|
| And you heard the sparrows in the gutters, |
|
|
| You had such a vision of the street |
|
|
| As the street hardly understands; |
|
|
| Sitting along the bed's edge, where |
|
|
| You curled the papers from your hair, |
|
|
| Or clasped the yellow soles of feet |
|
|
| In the palms of both soiled hands. |
|
|
|
|
| His soul stretched tight across the skies |
|
|
| That fade behind a city block, |
|
|
| Or trampled by insistent feet |
|
|
| At four and five and six o'clock; |
|
|
| And short square fingers stuffing pipes, |
|
|
| And evening newspapers, and eyes |
|
|
| Assured of certain certainties, |
|
|
| The conscience of a blackened street |
|
|
| Impatient to assume the world. |
|
|
|
|
| Twelve o'clock. |
|
|
| Along the reaches of the street |
|
|
| Held in a lunar synthesis, |
|
|
| Whispering lunar incantations |
|
|
| Disolve the floors of memory |
|
|
| And all its clear relations, |
|
|
| Its divisions and precisions, |
|
|
| Every street lamp that I pass |
|
|
| Beats like a fatalistic drum, |
|
|
| And through the spaces of the dark |
|
|
| Midnight shakes the memory |
|
|
| As a madman shakes a dead geranium. |
|
|
|
|
| Half-past one, |
|
|
| The street lamp sputtered, |
|
|
| The street lamp muttered, |
|
|
| The street lamp said, |
|
|
| "Regard that woman |
|
|
| Who hesitates toward you in the light of the door |
|
|
| Which opens on her like a grin. |
|
|
| You see the border of her dress |
|
|
| Is torn and stained with sand, |
|
|
| And you see the corner of her eye |
|
|
| Twists like a crooked pin." |
|
|
|
|
| The memory throws up high and dry |
|
|
| A crowd of twisted things; |
|
|
| A twisted branch upon the beach |
|
|
| Eaten smooth, and polished |
|
|
| As if the world gave up |
|
|
| The secret of its skeleton, |
|
|
| Stiff and white. |
|
|
| A broken spring in a factory yard, |
|
|
| Rust that clings to the form that the strength has left |
|
|
| Hard and curled and ready to snap. |
|
|
|
|
| Half-past two, |
|
|
| The street-lamp said, |
|
|
| "Remark the cat which flattens itself in the gutter, |
|
|
| Slips out its tongue |
|
|
| And devours a morsel of rancid butter." |
|
|
| So the hand of the child, automatic, |
|
|
| Slipped out and pocketed a toy that was running along |
|
|
| the quay. |
|
|
| I could see nothing behind that child's eye. |
|
|
| I have seen eyes in the street |
|
|
| Trying to peer through lighted shutters, |
|
|
| And a crab one afternoon in a pool, |
|
|
| An old crab with barnacles on his back, |
|
|
| Gripped the end of a stick which I held him. |
|
|
|
|
| The lamp hummed: |
|
|
| "Regard the moon, |
|
|
| La lune ne garde aucune rancune, |
|
|
| She winks a feeble eye, |
|
|
| She smiles into corners. |
|
|
| She smooths the hair of the grass. |
|
|
| The moon has lost her memory. |
|
|
| A washed-out smallpox cracks her face, |
|
|
| Her hand twists a paper rose, |
|
|
| That smells of dust and old Cologne, |
|
|
| She is alone With all the old nocturnal smells |
|
|
| That cross and cross across her brain. |
|
|
| The reminiscence comes |
|
|
| Of sunless dry geraniums |
|
|
| And dust in crevices, |
|
|
| Smells of chestnuts in the streets |
|
|
| And female smells in shuttered rooms |
|
|
| And cigarettes in corridors |
|
|
| And cocktail smells in bars." |
|
|
|
|
| They are rattling breakfast plates in basement kitchens, |
|
|
| And along the trampled edges of the street |
|
|
| I am aware of the damp souls of housemaids |
|
|
| Sprouting despondently at area gates. |
|
|
| The brown waves of fog toss up to me |
|
|
| Twisted faces from the bottom of the street, |
|
|
| And tear from a passer-by with muddy skirts |
|
|
| An aimless smile that hovers in the air |
|
|
| And vanishes along the level of the roofs. |
|
|
|
|
| The readers of the Boston Evening Transcript |
|
|
| Sway in the wind like a field of ripe corn. |
|
|
| When evening quickens faintly in the street, |
|
|
| Wakening the appetites of life in some |
|
|
| And to others bringing the Boston Evening Transcript, |
|
|
| I mount the steps and ring the bell, turning |
|
|
| Wearily, as one would turn to nod good-bye to Rochefoucauld, |
|
|
| If the street were time and he at the end of the street, |
|
|
| And I say, "Cousin Harriet, here is the Boston Evening Transcript." |
|
|
|
|
| Miss Helen Slingsby was my maiden aunt, |
|
|
| And lived in a small house near a fashionable square |
|
|
| Cared for by servants to the number of four. |
|
|
| Now when she died there was silence in heaven |
|
|
| And silence at her end of the street. |
|
|
| The shutters were drawn and the undertaker wiped his feet— |
|
|
| He was aware that this sort of thing had occurred before. |
|
|
| The dogs were handsomely provided for, |
|
|
| But shortly afterwards the parrot died too. |
|
|
| The Dresden clock continued ticking on the mantelpiece, |
|
|
| And the footman sat upon the dining-table |
|
|
| Holding the second housemaid on his knees— |
|
|
| Who had always been so careful while her mistress lived. |
|
|
|
|
| When Mr. Apollinax visited the United States |
|
|
| His laughter tinkled among the teacups. |
|
|
| I thought of Fragilion, that shy figure among the birch-trees, |
|
|
| And of Priapus in the shrubbery |
|
|
| Gaping at the lady in the swing. |
|
|
| In the palace of Mrs. Phlaccus, at Professor Channing-Cheetah's |
|
|
| He laughed like an irresponsible foetus. |
|
|
| Otis laughter was submarine and profound |
|
|
| Like the old man of the sea's |
|
|
| Hidden under coral islands |
|
|
| Where worried bodies of drowned men drift down in the green silence, |
|
|
| Dropping from fingers of surf. |
|
|
| I looked for the head of Mr. Apollinax rolling under a chair |
|
|
| Or grinning over a screen |
|
|
| With seaweed in its hair. |
|
|
| I heard the beat of centaur's hoofs over the hard turf |
|
|
| As his dry and passionate talk devoured the afternoon. |
|
|
| "He is a charming man"—"But after all what did he mean?"— |
|
|
| "His pointed ears ... He must be unbalanced,"— |
|
|
| "There was something he said that I might have challenged." |
|
|
| Of dowager Mrs. Phlaccus, and Professor and Mrs. Cheetah |
|
|
| I remember a slice of lemon, and a bitten macaroon. |
|
|
|
|
| As she laughed I was aware of becoming involved in her |
|
|
| laughter and being part of it, until her teeth were |
|
|
| only accidental stars with a talent for squad-drill. I |
|
|
| was drawn in by short gasps, inhaled at each momentary |
|
|
| recovery, lost finally in the dark caverns of her |
|
|
| throat, bruised by the ripple of unseen muscles. An |
|
|
| elderly waiter with trembling hands was hurriedly |
|
|
| spreading a pink and white checked cloth over the rusty |
|
|
| green iron table, saying: "If the lady and gentleman |
|
|
| wish to take their tea in the garden, if the lady and |
|
|
| gentleman wish to take their tea in the garden ..." I |
|
|
| decided that if the shaking of her breasts could be |
|
|
| stopped, some of the fragments of the afternoon might |
|
|
| be collected, and I concentrated my attention with |
|
|
| careful subtlety to this end. |
|
|
|
|
| So I would have had him leave, |
|
|
| So I would have had her stand and grieve, |
|
|
| So he would have left |
|
|
| As the soul leaves the body torn and bruised, |
|
|
| As the mind deserts the body it has used. |
|
|
| I should find |
|
|
| Some way incomparably light and deft, |
|
|
| Some way we both should understand, |
|
|
| Simple and faithless as a smile and shake of the hand. |
|
|
|
|
| She turned away, but with the autumn weather |
|
|
| Compelled my imagination many days, |
|
|
| Many days and many hours: |
|
|
| Her hair over her arms and her arms full of flowers. |
|
|
| And I wonder how they should have been together! |
|
|
| I should have lost a gesture and a pose. |
|
|
| Sometimes these cogitations still amaze |
|
|
| The troubled midnight and the noon's repose. |
|
|