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| BUT anxious Cares the pensive Nymph opprest, |
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| And secret Passions labour'd in her Breast. |
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| Not youthful Kings in Battel seiz'd alive, |
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| Not scornful Virgins who their Charms survive, |
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| Not ardent Lovers robb'd of all their Bliss, |
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| Not ancient Ladies when refus'd a Kiss, |
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| Not Tyrants fierce that unrepenting die, |
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| Not Cynthia when her Manteau's pinn'd awry, |
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| E'er felt such Rage, Resentment and Despair, |
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| As Thou, sad Virgin! for thy ravish'd Hair. |
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Swift on his sooty Pinions flitts the Gnome, |
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| And in a Vapour reach'd the dismal Dome. |
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| No cheerful Breeze this sullen Region knows, |
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| The dreaded East is all the Wind that blows. |
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| Here, in a Grotto, sheltred close from Air, |
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| And screen'd in Shades from Day's detested Glare, |
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| She sighs for ever on her pensive Bed, |
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| Pain at her side, and Megrim at her Head. |
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There Affectation with a sickly Mien |
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| Shows in her Cheek the Roses of Eighteen, |
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| Practis'd to Lisp, and hang the Head aside, |
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| Faints into Airs, and languishes with Pride; |
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| On the rich Quilt sinks with becoming Woe, |
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| Wrapt in a Gown, for Sickness, and for Show. |
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| The Fair ones feel such Maladies as these, |
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| When each new Night-Dress gives a new Disease. |
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A constant Vapour o'er the Palace flies; |
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| Strange Phantoms rising as the Mists arise; |
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| Dreadful, as Hermit's Dreams in haunted Shades, |
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| Or bright as Visions of expiring Maids. |
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| Now glaring Fiends, and Snakes on rolling Spires, |
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| Pale Spectres, gaping Tombs, and Purple Fires: |
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| Now Lakes of liquid Gold, Elysian Scenes, |
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| And Crystal Domes, and Angels in Machines. |
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Unnumber'd Throngs on ev'ry side are seen |
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| Of Bodies chang'd to various Forms by Spleen. |
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| Here living Teapots stand, one Arm held out, |
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| One bent; the Handle this, and that the Spout: |
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| A Pipkin there like Homer's Tripod walks; |
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| Here sighs a Jar, and there a Goose Pie talks; |
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| Men prove with Child, as pow'rful Fancy works, |
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| And Maids turn'd Bottels, call aloud for Corks. |
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Safe past the Gnome thro' this fantastick Band, |
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| A Branch of healing Spleenwort in his hand. |
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| Then thus addrest the Pow'r—Hail wayward Queen! |
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| Who rule the Sex to Fifty from Fifteen, |
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| Parent of Vapors and of Female Wit, |
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| Who give th' Hysteric or Poetic Fit, |
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| On various Tempers act by various ways, |
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| Make some take Physick, others scribble Plays; |
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| Who cause the Proud their Visits to delay, |
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| And send the Godly in a Pett, to pray. |
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| A Nymph there is, that all thy Pow'r disdains, |
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| And thousands more in equal Mirth maintains. |
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| But oh! if e'er thy Gnome could spoil a Grace, |
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| Or raise a Pimple on a beauteous Face, |
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| Like Citron-Waters Matron's Cheeks inflame, |
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| Or change Complexions at a losing Game; |
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| If e'er with airy Horns I planted Heads, |
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| Or rumpled Petticoats, or tumbled Beds, |
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| Or caus'd Suspicion when no Soul was rude, |
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| Or discompos'd the Head-dress of a Prude, |
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| Or e'er to costive Lap-Dog gave Disease, |
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| Which not the Tears of brightest Eyes could ease: |
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| Hear me, and touch Belinda with Chagrin; |
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| That single Act gives half the World the Spleen. |
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The Goddess with a discontented Air |
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| Seems to reject him, tho' she grants his Pray'r. |
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| A wondrous Bag with both her Hands she binds, |
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| Like that where once Ulysses held the Winds; |
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| There she collects the Force of Female Lungs, |
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| Sighs, Sobs, and Passions, and the War of Tongues. |
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| A Vial next she fills with fainting Fears, |
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| Soft Sorrows, melting Griefs, and flowing Tears. |
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| The Gnome rejoicing bears her Gift away, |
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| Spreads his black Wings, and slowly mounts to Day. |
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Sunk in Thalestris' Arms the Nymph he found, |
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| Her Eyes dejected and her Hair unbound. |
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| Full o'er their Heads the swelling Bag he rent, |
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| And all the Furies issued at the Vent. |
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| Belinda burns with more than mortal Ire, |
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| And fierce Thalestris fans the rising Fire. |
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| O wretched Maid! she spread her hands, and cry'd, |
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| (While Hampton's Ecchos, wretched Maid reply'd) |
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| Was it for this you took such constant Care |
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| The Bodkin, Comb, and Essence to prepare; |
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| For this your Locks in Paper-Durance bound, |
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| For this with tort'ring Irons wreath'd around? |
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| For this with Fillets strain'd your tender Head, |
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| And bravely bore the double Loads of Lead? |
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| Gods! shall the Ravisher display your Hair, |
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| While the Fops envy, and the Ladies stare! |
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| Honour forbid! at whose unrival'd Shrine |
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| Ease, Pleasure, Virtue, All, our Sex resign. |
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| Methinks already I your Tears survey, |
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| Already hear the horrid things they say, |
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| Already see you a degraded Toast, |
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| And all your Honour in a Whisper lost! |
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| How shall I, then, your helpless Fame defend? |
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| 'Twill then be Infamy to seem your Friend! |
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| And shall this Prize, th' inestimable Prize, |
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| Expos'd thro' Crystal to the gazing Eyes, |
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| And heighten'd by the Diamond's circling Rays, |
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| On that Rapacious Hand for ever blaze? |
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| Sooner shall Grass in Hide Park Circus grow, |
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| And Wits take Lodgings in the Sound of Bow; |
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| Sooner let Earth, Air, Sea, to Chaos fall, |
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| Men, Monkies, Lap-dogs, Parrots, perish all! |
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She said; then raging to Sir Plume repairs, |
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| And bids her Beau demand the precious Hairs: |
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| (Sir Plume, of Amber Snuff-box justly vain, |
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| And the nice Conduct of a clouded Cane) |
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| With earnest Eyes, and round unthinking Face, |
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| He first the Snuff-box open'd, then the Case, |
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| And thus broke out—- "My Lord, why, what the Devil? |
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| "Z—-ds! damn the Lock! 'fore Gad, you must be civil! |
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| "Plague on't! 'tis past a Jest—-nay prithee, Pox! |
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| "Give her the Hair—-he spoke, and rapp'd his Box. |
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It grieves me much (reply'd the Peer again) |
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| Who speaks so well shou'd ever speak in vain. |
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| But by this Lock, this sacred Lock I swear, |
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| (Which never more shall join its parted Hair, |
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| Which never more its Honours shall renew, |
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| Clipt from the lovely Head where late it grew) |
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| That while my Nostrils draw the vital Air, |
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| This Hand, which won it, shall for ever wear. |
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| He spoke, and speaking, in proud Triumph spread |
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| The long-contended Honours of her Head. |
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For ever curs'd be this detested Day, |
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| Which snatch'd my best, my fav'rite Curl away! |
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| Happy! ah ten times happy, had I been, |
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| If Hampton-Court these Eyes had never seen! |
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| Yet am not I the first mistaken Maid, |
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| By Love of Courts to num'rous Ills betray'd. |
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| Oh had I rather un-admir'd remain'd |
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| In some lone Isle, or distant Northern Land; |
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| Where the gilt Chariot never marks the way, |
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| Where none learn Ombre, none e'er taste Bohea! |
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| There kept my Charms conceal'd from mortal Eye, |
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| Like Roses that in Desarts bloom and die. |
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| What mov'd my Mind with youthful Lords to rome? |
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| O had I stay'd, and said my Pray'rs at home! |
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| 'Twas this, the Morning Omens seem'd to tell; |
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| Thrice from my trembling hand the Patch-box fell; |
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| The tott'ring China shook without a Wind, |
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| Nay, Poll sate mute, and Shock was most Unkind! |
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| A Sylph too warn'd me of the Threats of Fate, |
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| In mystic Visions, now believ'd too late! |
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| See the poor Remnants of these slighted Hairs! |
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| My hands shall rend what ev'n thy Rapine spares: |
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| These, in two sable Ringlets taught to break, |
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| Once gave new Beauties to the snowie Neck. |
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| The Sister-Lock now sits uncouth, alone, |
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| And in its Fellow's Fate foresees its own; |
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| Uncurl'd it hangs, the fatal Sheers demands; |
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| And tempts once more thy sacrilegious Hands. |
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| Oh hadst thou, Cruel! been content to seize |
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| Hairs less in sight, or any Hairs but these! |
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