READ STUDY GUIDE: Act II, Scenes i-iii |
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Act II, Scene ii:
Rousillon. A room in the COUNTESS'S palace.
Rousillon. A room in the COUNTESS'S palace.
| [Enter COUNTESS and CLOWN.] |
| COUNTESS: |
| Come on, sir; I shall now put you to the height of your |
| breeding. |
| CLOWN: |
| I will show myself highly fed and lowly taught: I know my |
| business is but to the court. |
| COUNTESS: |
| To the court! why, what place make you special, when you |
| put off that with such contempt? But to the court! |
| CLOWN: |
| Truly, madam, if God have lent a man any manners, he may |
| easily put it off at court: he that cannot make a leg, put off's |
| cap, kiss his hand, and say nothing, has neither leg, hands, lip, |
| nor cap; and indeed such a fellow, to say precisely, were not for |
| the court; but for me, I have an answer will serve all men. |
| COUNTESS: |
| Marry, that's a bountiful answer that fits all questions. |
| CLOWN: |
| It is like a barber's chair, that fits all buttocks—the pin- |
| buttock, the quatch-buttock, the brawn-buttock, or any buttock. |
| COUNTESS: |
| Will your answer serve fit to all questions? |
| CLOWN: |
| As fit as ten groats is for the hand of an attorney, as your |
| French crown for your taffety punk, as Tib's rush for Tom's |
| forefinger, as a pancake for Shrove-Tuesday, a morris for Mayday, |
| as the nail to his hole, the cuckold to his horn, as a scolding |
| quean to a wrangling knave, as the nun's lip to the friar's |
| mouth; nay, as the pudding to his skin. |
| COUNTESS: |
| Have you, I, say, an answer of such fitness for all questions? |
| CLOWN: |
| From below your duke to beneath your constable, it will fit any |
| question. |
| COUNTESS: |
| It must be an answer of most monstrous size that must fit all |
| demands. |
| CLOWN: |
| But a trifle neither, in good faith, if the learned should |
| speak truth of it: here it is, and all that belongs to't. Ask me |
| if I am a courtier: it shall do you no harm to learn. |
| COUNTESS: |
| To be young again, if we could: I will be a fool in question, |
| hoping to be the wiser by your answer. I pray you, sir, are you a |
| courtier? |
| CLOWN: |
| O Lord, sir!—There's a simple putting off. More, more, a hundred |
| of them. |
| COUNTESS: |
| Sir, I am a poor friend of yours, that loves you. |
| CLOWN: |
| O Lord, sir!—Thick, thick; spare not me. |
| COUNTESS: |
| I think, sir, you can eat none of this homely meat. |
| CLOWN: |
| O Lord, sir!—Nay, put me to't, I warrant you. |
| COUNTESS: |
| You were lately whipped, sir, as I think. |
| CLOWN: |
| O Lord, sir!—Spare not me. |
| COUNTESS: |
| Do you cry 'O Lord, sir!' at your whipping, and 'spare not me'? |
| Indeed your 'O Lord, sir!' is very sequent to your whipping. You |
| would answer very well to a whipping, if you were but bound to't. |
| CLOWN: |
| I ne'er had worse luck in my life in my—'O Lord, sir!' I see |
| thing's may serve long, but not serve ever. |
| COUNTESS: |
| I play the noble housewife with the time, to entertain it so |
| merrily with a fool. |
| CLOWN: |
| O Lord, sir!—Why, there't serves well again. |
| COUNTESS: |
| An end, sir! To your business. Give Helen this, |
| And urge her to a present answer back: |
| Commend me to my kinsmen and my son: |
| This is not much. |
| CLOWN: |
| Not much commendation to them. |
| COUNTESS: |
| Not much employment for you: you understand me? |
| CLOWN: |
| Most fruitfully: I am there before my legs. |
| COUNTESS: |
| Haste you again. |
| [Exeunt severally.] |
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