Act II, Scene ii:
The Road by Gads-hill.

[Enter Prince Henry and Pointz; Bardolph and Peto atsome distance.]

POINTZ.:

Come, shelter, shelter: I have remov'd Falstaff's horse,

and he frets like a gumm'd velvet.

PRINCE.:

Stand close.

[They retire.]

[Enter Falstaff.]

FAL.:

Pointz! Pointz, and be hang'd! Pointz!

PRINCE.:

[Coming forward.]

Peace, ye fat-kidney'd rascal! what a brawling dost thou keep!

FAL.:

Where's Pointz, Hal?

PRINCE.:

He is walk'd up to the top of the hill: I'll go seek him.

[Retires.]

FAL.:

I am accursed to rob in that thief's company: the rascal hath

removed my horse, and tied him I know not where. If I travel but

four foot by the squire further a-foot, I shall break my wind.

Well, I doubt not but to die a fair death for all this, if I 'scape

hanging for killing that rogue. I have forsworn his company hourly

any time this two-and-twenty year, and yet I am bewitch'd with the

rogue's company. If the rascal have not given me medicines to make

me love him, I'll be hang'd; it could not be else: I have drunk

medicines.—

Pointz!—Hal!—a plague upon you both!—Bardolph!—Peto!—I'll

starve, ere I'll rob a foot further. An 'twere not as good a deed as

drink, to turn true man, and to leave these rogues, I am the veriest

varlet that ever chewed with a tooth. Eight yards of uneven ground

is threescore and ten miles a-foot with me; and the stony-hearted

villains know it well enough: a plague upon't, when thieves cannot

be true one to another!

[They whistle.] Whew!—A plague upon you all! Give me

my horse, you rogues; give me my horse, and be hang'd!

PRINCE.:

[Coming forward.] Peace! lie down; lay thine ear close to the

ground, and list if thou canst hear the tread of travellers.

FAL.:

Have you any levers to lift me up again, being down? 'Sblood, I'll

not bear mine own flesh so far a-foot again for all the coin in thy

father's exchequer. What a plague mean ye to colt me thus?

PRINCE.:

Thou liest; thou art not colted, thou art uncolted.

FAL.:

I pr'ythee, good Prince Hal, help me to my horse, good king's

son.

PRINCE.:

Out, ye rogue! shall I be your ostler?

FAL.:

Go, hang thyself in thine own heir-apparent garters! If I be

ta'en, I'll peach for this. An I have not ballads made on you

all, and sung to filthy tunes, let a cup of sack be my poison.

When a jest is so forward, and a-foot too, I hate it.

[Enter Gadshill.]

GADS.:

Stand!

FAL.:

So I do, against my will.

POINTZ.:

O, 'tis our setter: I know his voice.

[Comes forward with Bardolph and Peto.]

BARD.:

What news?

GADS.:

Case ye, case ye; on with your visards: there's money of

the King's coming down the hill; 'tis going to the King's

exchequer.

FAL.:

You lie, ye rogue; 'tis going to the King's tavern.

GADS.:

There's enough to make us all.

FAL.:

To be hang'd.

PRINCE.:

Sirs, you four shall front them in the narrow lane; Ned

Pointz and I will walk lower; if they 'scape from your

encounter, then they light on us.

PETO.:

How many be there of them?

GADS.:

Some eight or ten.

FAL.:

Zwounds, will they not rob us?

PRINCE.:

What, a coward, Sir John Paunch?

FAL.:

Indeed, I am not John of Gaunt, your grandfather; but yet

no coward, Hal.

PRINCE.:

Well, we leave that to the proof.

POINTZ.:

Sirrah Jack, thy horse stands behind the hedge: when thou

need'st him, there thou shalt find him. Farewell, and stand fast.

FAL.:

Now cannot I strike him, if I should be hang'd.

PRINCE.:

[aside to POINTZ.] Ned, where are our disguises?

POINTZ.:

[aside to PRINCE HENRY.] Here, hard by: stand close.

[Exeunt Prince and Pointz.]

FAL.:

Now, my masters, happy man be his dole, say I: every man

to his business.

[Enter Travellers.]

FIRST TRAVELLER.:

Come, neighbour:

The boy shall lead our horses down the hill;

We'll walk a-foot awhile and ease our legs.

FALS, GADS., &C.

Stand!

SECOND TRAVELLER.:

Jesu bless us!

FAL.:

Strike; down with them; cut the villains' throats. Ah,

whoreson caterpillars! bacon-fed knaves! they hate us youth:

down with them; fleece them.

FIRST TRAVELLER.:

O, we're undone, both we and ours for ever!

FAL.:

Hang ye, gorbellied knaves, are ye undone? No, ye fat chuffs;

I would your store were here! On, bacons on! What, ye knaves!

young men must live. You are grand-jurors, are ye? we'll jure

ye, i'faith.

[Exeunt Fals., Gads., &c., driving the Travellers out.]

[Re-enter Prince Henry and Pointz, in buckram suits.]

PRINCE.:

The thieves have bound the true men. Now, could thou and I rob

the thieves, and go merrily to London, it would be argument for a

week, laughter for a month, and a good jest for ever.

POINTZ.:

Stand close: I hear them coming.

[They retire.]

[Re-enter Falstaff, Gadshill, Bardolph, and Peto.]

FAL.:

Come, my masters, let us share, and then to horse before day.

An the Prince and Pointz be not two arrant cowards, there's no

equity stirring: there's no more valour in that Pointz than in a

wild duck.:

[As they are sharing, the Prince and Poins set upon them.]

PRINCE.:

Your money!

POINTZ.:

Villains!

[Falstaff, after a blow or two, and the others run away, leaving the booty behind them.]

PRINCE.:

Got with much ease. Now merrily to horse:

The thieves are scatter'd, and possess'd with fear

So strongly that they dare not meet each other;

Each takes his fellow for an officer.

Away, good Ned. Fat Falstaff sweats to death,

And lards the lean earth as he walks along:

Were't not for laughing, I should pity him.

POINTZ.:

How the rogue roar'd!

[Exeunt.]