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Henry IV Part 1
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READ STUDY GUIDE: Act II, scenes i–iii

 
Act II, Scene ii:
The Road by Gads-hill.
 
[Enter Prince Henry and Pointz; Bardolph and Peto atsome distance.]
POINTZ.:
Come, shelter, shelter: I have remov'd Falstaff's horse,
and he frets like a gumm'd velvet.
PRINCE.:
Stand close.
[They retire.]
[Enter Falstaff.]
FAL.:
Pointz! Pointz, and be hang'd! Pointz!
PRINCE.:
[Coming forward.]
Peace, ye fat-kidney'd rascal! what a brawling dost thou keep!
FAL.:
Where's Pointz, Hal?
PRINCE.:
He is walk'd up to the top of the hill: I'll go seek him.
[Retires.]
FAL.:
I am accursed to rob in that thief's company: the rascal hath
removed my horse, and tied him I know not where. If I travel but
four foot by the squire further a-foot, I shall break my wind.
Well, I doubt not but to die a fair death for all this, if I 'scape
hanging for killing that rogue. I have forsworn his company hourly
any time this two-and-twenty year, and yet I am bewitch'd with the
rogue's company. If the rascal have not given me medicines to make
me love him, I'll be hang'd; it could not be else: I have drunk
medicines.—
Pointz!—Hal!—a plague upon you both!—Bardolph!—Peto!—I'll
starve, ere I'll rob a foot further. An 'twere not as good a deed as
drink, to turn true man, and to leave these rogues, I am the veriest
varlet that ever chewed with a tooth. Eight yards of uneven ground
is threescore and ten miles a-foot with me; and the stony-hearted
villains know it well enough: a plague upon't, when thieves cannot
be true one to another!
[They whistle.] Whew!—A plague upon you all! Give me
my horse, you rogues; give me my horse, and be hang'd!
PRINCE.:
[Coming forward.] Peace! lie down; lay thine ear close to the
ground, and list if thou canst hear the tread of travellers.
FAL.:
Have you any levers to lift me up again, being down? 'Sblood, I'll
not bear mine own flesh so far a-foot again for all the coin in thy
father's exchequer. What a plague mean ye to colt me thus?
PRINCE.:
Thou liest; thou art not colted, thou art uncolted.
FAL.:
I pr'ythee, good Prince Hal, help me to my horse, good king's
son.
PRINCE.:
Out, ye rogue! shall I be your ostler?
FAL.:
Go, hang thyself in thine own heir-apparent garters! If I be
ta'en, I'll peach for this. An I have not ballads made on you
all, and sung to filthy tunes, let a cup of sack be my poison.
When a jest is so forward, and a-foot too, I hate it.
[Enter Gadshill.]
GADS.:
Stand!
FAL.:
So I do, against my will.
POINTZ.:
O, 'tis our setter: I know his voice.
[Comes forward with Bardolph and Peto.]
BARD.:
What news?
GADS.:
Case ye, case ye; on with your visards: there's money of
the King's coming down the hill; 'tis going to the King's
exchequer.
FAL.:
You lie, ye rogue; 'tis going to the King's tavern.
GADS.:
There's enough to make us all.
FAL.:
To be hang'd.
PRINCE.:
Sirs, you four shall front them in the narrow lane; Ned
Pointz and I will walk lower; if they 'scape from your
encounter, then they light on us.
PETO.:
How many be there of them?
GADS.:
Some eight or ten.
FAL.:
Zwounds, will they not rob us?
PRINCE.:
What, a coward, Sir John Paunch?
FAL.:
Indeed, I am not John of Gaunt, your grandfather; but yet
no coward, Hal.
PRINCE.:
Well, we leave that to the proof.
POINTZ.:
Sirrah Jack, thy horse stands behind the hedge: when thou
need'st him, there thou shalt find him. Farewell, and stand fast.
FAL.:
Now cannot I strike him, if I should be hang'd.
PRINCE.:
[aside to POINTZ.] Ned, where are our disguises?
POINTZ.:
[aside to PRINCE HENRY.] Here, hard by: stand close.
[Exeunt Prince and Pointz.]
FAL.:
Now, my masters, happy man be his dole, say I: every man
to his business.
[Enter Travellers.]
FIRST TRAVELLER.:
Come, neighbour:
The boy shall lead our horses down the hill;
We'll walk a-foot awhile and ease our legs.
FALS, GADS., &C.
Stand!
SECOND TRAVELLER.:
Jesu bless us!
FAL.:
Strike; down with them; cut the villains' throats. Ah,
whoreson caterpillars! bacon-fed knaves! they hate us youth:
down with them; fleece them.
FIRST TRAVELLER.:
O, we're undone, both we and ours for ever!
FAL.:
Hang ye, gorbellied knaves, are ye undone? No, ye fat chuffs;
I would your store were here! On, bacons on! What, ye knaves!
young men must live. You are grand-jurors, are ye? we'll jure
ye, i'faith.
[Exeunt Fals., Gads., &c., driving the Travellers out.]
[Re-enter Prince Henry and Pointz, in buckram suits.]
PRINCE.:
The thieves have bound the true men. Now, could thou and I rob
the thieves, and go merrily to London, it would be argument for a
week, laughter for a month, and a good jest for ever.
POINTZ.:
Stand close: I hear them coming.
[They retire.]
[Re-enter Falstaff, Gadshill, Bardolph, and Peto.]
FAL.:
Come, my masters, let us share, and then to horse before day.
An the Prince and Pointz be not two arrant cowards, there's no
equity stirring: there's no more valour in that Pointz than in a
wild duck.:
[As they are sharing, the Prince and Poins set upon them.]
PRINCE.:
Your money!
POINTZ.:
Villains!
[Falstaff, after a blow or two, and the others run away, leaving the booty behind them.]
PRINCE.:
Got with much ease. Now merrily to horse:
The thieves are scatter'd, and possess'd with fear
So strongly that they dare not meet each other;
Each takes his fellow for an officer.
Away, good Ned. Fat Falstaff sweats to death,
And lards the lean earth as he walks along:
Were't not for laughing, I should pity him.
POINTZ.:
How the rogue roar'd!
[Exeunt.]
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