Act I, Scene v:
Court before the Duke of Albany's Palace.

[Enter Lear, Kent, and Fool.]

Lear.:

Go you before to Gloster with these letters: acquaint my

daughter no further with anything you know than comes from her

demand out of the letter. If your diligence be not speedy, I

shall be there afore you.

Kent.:

I will not sleep, my lord, till I have delivered your letter.

[Exit.]

Fool.:

If a man's brains were in's heels, were't not in danger of kibes?

Lear.:

Ay, boy.

Fool.:

Then I pr'ythee be merry; thy wit shall not go slipshod.

Lear.:

Ha, ha, ha!

Fool.:

Shalt see thy other daughter will use thee kindly; for though

she's as like this as a crab's like an apple, yet I can tell

what I can tell.

Lear.:

What canst tell, boy?

Fool.:

She'll taste as like this as a crab does to a crab. Thou

canst tell why one's nose stands i' the middle on's face?

Lear.:

No.

Fool.:

Why, to keep one's eyes of either side's nose, that what a man

cannot smell out, he may spy into.

Lear.:

I did her wrong,—

Fool.:

Canst tell how an oyster makes his shell?

Lear.:

No.

Fool.:

Nor I neither; but I can tell why a snail has a house.

Lear.:

Why?

Fool.:

Why, to put's head in; not to give it away to his daughters, and

leave his horns without a case.

Lear.:

I will forget my nature. So kind a father!—Be my horses ready?

Fool.:

Thy asses are gone about 'em. The reason why the seven stars are

no more than seven is a pretty reason.

Lear.:

Because they are not eight?

Fool.:

Yes indeed: thou wouldst make a good fool.

Lear.:

To tak't again perforce!—Monster ingratitude!

Fool.:

If thou wert my fool, nuncle, I'ld have thee beaten for being

old before thy time.

Lear.:

How's that?

Fool.:

Thou shouldst not have been old till thou hadst been wise.

Lear.:

O, let me not be mad, not mad, sweet heaven!

Keep me in temper; I would not be mad!—

[Enter Gentleman.]

How now? are the horses ready?

Gent.:

Ready, my lord.

Lear.:

Come, boy.

Fool.:

She that's a maid now, and laughs at my departure,

Shall not be a maid long, unless things be cut shorter.

[Exeunt.]