READ STUDY GUIDE: Act I, Scenes iii-iv |
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Act I, Scene iii:
A room in the Garter Inn.
A room in the Garter Inn.
| [Enter FALSTAFF, HOST, BARDOLPH, NYM, PISTOL, and ROBIN.] |
| FALSTAFF: |
| Mine host of the Garter! |
| HOST: |
| What says my bully rook? Speak scholarly and wisely. |
| FALSTAFF: |
| Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of my followers. |
| HOST: |
| Discard, bully Hercules; cashier; let them wag; trot, trot. |
| FALSTAFF: |
| I sit at ten pounds a week. |
| HOST: |
| Thou'rt an emperor, Caesar, Keiser, and Pheazar. I |
| will entertain Bardolph; he shall draw, he shall tap; said I |
| well, bully Hector? |
| FALSTAFF: |
| Do so, good mine host. |
| HOST: |
| I have spoke; let him follow.[To BARDOLPH]Let me |
| see thee froth and lime. I am at a word; follow. |
| [Exit.] |
| FALSTAFF: |
| Bardolph, follow him. A tapster is a good trade; |
| an old cloak makes a new jerkin; a withered serving-man a |
| fresh tapster. Go; adieu. |
| BARDOLPH: |
| It is a life that I have desired; I will thrive. |
| PISTOL: |
| O base Hungarian wight! Wilt thou the spigot wield? |
| [Exit BARDOLPH.] |
| NYM: |
| He was gotten in drink. Is not the humour conceited? |
| FALSTAFF: |
| I am glad I am so acquit of this tinder-box: his |
| thefts were too open; his filching was like an unskilful |
| singer—he kept not time. |
| NYM: |
| The good humour is to steal at a minim's rest. |
| PISTOL: |
| 'Convey' the wise it call. 'Steal!' foh! A fico for the |
| phrase! |
| FALSTAFF: |
| Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels. |
| PISTOL: |
| Why, then, let kibes ensue. |
| FALSTAFF: |
| There is no remedy; I must cony-catch; I must shift. |
| PISTOL: |
| Young ravens must have food. |
| FALSTAFF: |
| Which of you know Ford of this town? |
| PISTOL: |
| I ken the wight; he is of substance good. |
| FALSTAFF: |
| My honest lads, I will tell you what I am about. |
| PISTOL: |
| Two yards, and more. |
| FALSTAFF: |
| No quips now, Pistol. Indeed, I am in the waist |
| two yards about; but I am now about no waste; I am about |
| thrift. Briefly, I do mean to make love to Ford's wife; I |
| spy entertainment in her; she discourses, she carves, she |
| gives the leer of invitation; I can construe the action of her |
| familiar style; and the hardest voice of her behaviour, to be |
| Englished rightly, is 'I am Sir John Falstaff's.' |
| PISTOL: |
| He hath studied her well, and translated her will out |
| of honesty into English. |
| NYM: |
| The anchor is deep; will that humour pass? |
| FALSTAFF: |
| Now, the report goes she has all the rule of her |
| husband's purse; he hath a legion of angels. |
| PISTOL: |
| As many devils entertain; and 'To her, boy,' say I. |
| NYM: |
| The humour rises; it is good; humour me the angels. |
| FALSTAFF: |
| I have writ me here a letter to her; and here |
| another to Page's wife, who even now gave me good eyes |
| too, examined my parts with most judicious oeillades; |
| sometimes the beam of her view gilded my foot, sometimes my |
| portly belly. |
| PISTOL: |
| Then did the sun on dunghill shine. |
| NYM: |
| I thank thee for that humour. |
| FALSTAFF: |
| O! she did so course o'er my exteriors with such |
| a greedy intention that the appetite of her eye did seem to |
| scorch me up like a burning-glass. Here's another letter to |
| her: she bears the purse too; she is a region in Guiana, all |
| gold and bounty. I will be 'cheator to them both, and they |
| shall be exchequers to me; they shall be my East and West |
| Indies, and I will trade to them both. Go, bear thou this |
| letter to Mistress Page; and thou this to Mistress Ford. We |
| will thrive, lads, we will thrive. |
| PISTOL: |
| Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become, |
| And by my side wear steel? then Lucifer take all! |
| NYM: |
| I will run no base humour. Here, take the |
| humour-letter; I will keep the haviour of reputation. |
| FALSTAFF: |
| [To ROBIN] Hold, sirrah; bear you these letters tightly; |
| Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores. |
| Rogues, hence, avaunt! vanish like hailstones, go; |
| Trudge, plod away o' hoof; seek shelter, pack! |
| Falstaff will learn the humour of this age; |
| French thrift, you rogues; myself, and skirted page. |
| [Exeunt FALSTAFF and ROBIN.] |
| PISTOL: |
| Let vultures gripe thy guts! for gourd and fullam holds, |
| And high and low beguile the rich and poor; |
| Tester I'll have in pouch when thou shalt lack, |
| Base Phrygian Turk! |
| NYM: |
| I have operations in my head which be humours of revenge. |
| PISTOL: |
| Wilt thou revenge? |
| NYM: |
| By welkin and her star! |
| PISTOL: |
| With wit or steel? |
| NYM: |
| With both the humours, I: |
| I will discuss the humour of this love to Page. |
| PISTOL: |
 And I to Ford shall eke unfold |
| How Falstaff, varlet vile, |
| His dove will prove, his gold will hold, |
| And his soft couch defile. |
| NYM: |
| My humour shall not cool: I will incense Page to deal |
| with poison; I will possess him with yellowness, for the |
| revolt of mine is dangerous: that is my true humour. |
| PISTOL: |
| Thou art the Mars of malcontents; I second thee; |
| troop on. |
| [Exeunt.] |
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