Act I, Scene iv:
A room in DOCTOR CAIUS'S house.

[Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY, and SIMPLE.]

QUICKLY:

What, John Rugby!

[Enter RUGBY.]

I pray thee go to the casement, and see if you can see my

master, Master Doctor Caius, coming: if he do, i' faith,

and find anybody in the house, here will be an old abusing

of God's patience and the King's English.

RUGBY:

I'll go watch.

QUICKLY:

Go; and we'll have a posset for't soon at night, in

faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire.

[Exit RUGBY.]

An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant shall

come in house withal; and, I warrant you, no tell-tale

nor no breed-bate; his worst fault is that he is given

to prayer; he is something peevish that way; but nobody

but has his fault; but let that pass. Peter Simple you

say your name is?

SIMPLE:

Ay, for fault of a better.

QUICKLY:

And Master Slender's your master?

SIMPLE:

Ay, forsooth.

QUICKLY:

Does he not wear a great round beard, like a

glover's paring-knife?

SIMPLE:

No, forsooth; he hath but a little whey face, with a

little yellow beard—a cane-coloured beard.

QUICKLY:

A softly-sprighted man, is he not?

SIMPLE:

Ay, forsooth; but he is as tall a man of his hands as

any is between this and his head; he hath fought with a

warrener.

QUICKLY:

How say you?—O! I should remember him. Does

he not hold up his head, as it were, and strut in his gait?

SIMPLE:

Yes, indeed, does he.

QUICKLY:

Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune!

Tell Master Parson Evans I will do what I can for your

master: Anne is a good girl, and I wish—

[Re-enter RUGBY.]

RUGBY:

Out, alas! here comes my master.

QUICKLY:

We shall all be shent. Run in here, good young

man; go into this closet.[Shuts SIMPLE in the closet.]He

will not stay long. What, John Rugby! John! what, John,

I say! Go, John, go inquire for my master; I doubt he be

not well that he comes not home.

[Exit Rugby.] [Sings.] And down, down, adown-a,' &c.

[Enter DOCTOR CAIUS.]

CAIUS:

Vat is you sing? I do not like des toys. Pray you, go

and vetch me in my closet une boitine verde—a box, a green-a

box: do intend vat I speak? a green-a box.

QUICKLY:

Ay, forsooth, I'll fetch it you.[Aside]I am glad

he went not in himself: if he had found the young man,

he would have been horn-mad.

CAIUS:

Fe, fe, fe fe! ma foi, il fait fort chaud. Je m'en vais a

la cour—la grande affaire.

QUICKLY:

Is it this, sir?

CAIUS:

Oui; mettez le au mon pocket: depechez, quickly.—Vere

is dat knave, Rugby?

QUICKLY:

What, John Rugby? John!

[Re-enter Rugby.]

RUGBY:

CAIUS:

You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby: come,

take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to de court.

RUGBY:

CAIUS:

By my trot, I tarry too long.—Od's me! Qu'ay j'oublie?

Dere is some simples in my closet dat I vill not for the

varld I shall leave behind.

QUICKLY:

[Aside.[ Ay me, he'll find the young man there, and be

mad!

CAIUS:

O diable, diable! vat is in my closet?—Villainy! larron!

[Pulling SIMPLE out.] Rugby, my rapier!

QUICKLY:

Good master, be content.

CAIUS:

Verefore shall I be content-a?

QUICKLY:

The young man is an honest man.

CAIUS:

What shall de honest man do in my closet? dere is

no honest man dat shall come in my closet.

QUICKLY:

I beseech you, be not so phlegmatic. Hear the

truth of it: he came of an errand to me from Parson Hugh.

CAIUS:

Vell.

SIMPLE:

Ay, forsooth, to desire her to—

QUICKLY:

Peace, I pray you.

CAIUS:

Peace-a your tongue!—Speak-a your tale.

SIMPLE:

To desire this honest gentlewoman, your maid, to

speak a good word to Mistress Anne Page for my master,

in the way of marriage.

QUICKLY:

This is all, indeed, la! but I'll ne'er put my finger

in the fire, and need not.

CAIUS:

Sir Hugh send-a you?—Rugby, baillez me some paper: tarry

you a little-a while.[Writes.]

QUICKLY:

I am glad he is so quiet: if he had been throughly moved,

you should have heard him so loud and so melancholy. But

notwithstanding, man, I'll do you your master what good

I can; and the very yea and the no is, the French doctor,

my master—I may call him my master, look you, for I keep

his house; and I wash, wring, brew, bake, scour, dress meat and

drink, make the beds, and do all myself—

SIMPLE:

'Tis a great charge to come under one body's hand.

QUICKLY:

Are you avis'd o' that? You shall find it a great charge;

and to be up early and down late; but notwithstanding,—to

tell you in your ear,—I would have no words of it—my

master himself is in love with Mistress Anne Page; but

notwithstanding that, I know Anne's mind, that's neither

here nor there.

CAIUS:

You jack'nape; give-a dis letter to Sir Hugh; by gar,

it is a shallenge: I will cut his troat in de Park; and I

will teach a scurvy jack-a-nape priest to meddle or make. You

may be gone; it is not good you tarry here: by gar, I will

cut all his two stones; by gar, he shall not have a stone

to throw at his dog.

[Exit SIMPLE.]

QUICKLY:

Alas, he speaks but for his friend.

CAIUS:

It is no matter-a ver dat:—do not you tell-a me dat I

shall have Anne Page for myself? By gar, I vill kill de Jack

priest; and I have appointed mine host of de Jartiere to

measure our weapon. By gar, I vill myself have Anne Page.

QUICKLY:

Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well. We

must give folks leave to prate: what, the good-jer!

CAIUS:

Rugby, come to the court vit me. By gar, if I have

not Anne Page, I shall turn your head out of my door.

Follow my heels, Rugby.

[Exeunt CAIUS and RUGBY.]

QUICKLY:

You shall have An fool's-head of your own. No,

I know Anne's mind for that: never a woman in Windsor

knows more of Anne's mind than I do; nor can do more

than I do with her, I thank heaven.

FENTON:

[Within.] Who's within there? ho!

QUICKLY:

Who's there, I trow? Come near the house, I pray you.

[Enter FENTON.]

FENTON:

How now, good woman! how dost thou?

QUICKLY:

The better, that it pleases your good worship to ask.

FENTON:

What news? how does pretty Mistress Anne?

QUICKLY:

In truth, sir, and she is pretty, and honest, and

gentle; and one that is your friend, I can tell you that by

the way; I praise heaven for it.

FENTON:

Shall I do any good, thinkest thou? Shall I not lose

my suit?

QUICKLY:

Troth, sir, all is in His hands above; but

notwithstanding, Master Fenton, I'll be sworn on a book

she loves you. Have not your worship a wart above your eye?

FENTON:

Yes, marry, have I; what of that?

QUICKLY:

Well, thereby hangs a tale; good faith, it is such

another Nan; but, I detest, an honest maid as ever broke

bread. We had an hour's talk of that wart; I shall never

laugh but in that maid's company;—but, indeed, she is

given too much to allicholy and musing. But for you—well,

go to.

FENTON:

Well, I shall see her to-day. Hold, there's money

for thee; let me have thy voice in my behalf: if thou seest

her before me, commend me.

QUICKLY:

Will I? i' faith, that we will; and I will tell your

worship more of the wart the next time we have confidence;

and of other wooers.

FENTON:

Well, farewell; I am in great haste now.

QUICKLY:

Farewell to your worship.—[Exit FENTON.]Truly,

an honest gentleman; but Anne loves him not; for I know

Anne's mind as well as another does. Out upon 't, what

have I forgot?

[Exit.]