Act IV, Scene ii:
A prison.

[Enter Dogberry, Verges, Sexton, in gowns; and the Watch, with Conrade and Borachio.]

Dogb. :

Is our whole dissembly appeared?

Verg. :

O, a stool and a cushion for the sexton!

Sexton. :

Which be the malefactors?

Dogb. :

Marry, that am I and my partner.

Verg. :

Nay, that's certain; we have the exhibition to examine.

Sexton. :

But which are the offenders that are to be examined? let them

come before master constable.

Dogb. :

Yea, marry, let them come before me.—What is your name,

friend?

Bor. :

Borachio.

Dogb. :

Pray write down, Borachio.—Yours, sirrah?

Con. :

I am a gentleman, sir, and my name is Conrade.

Dogb. :

Write down, master gentleman Conrade.—Masters, do you serve

God?

[Con Bora.

Yea, sir, we hope.

Dogb. :

Write down that they hope they serve God:—and write God first;

for God defend but God should go before such villains!—]Masters,

it is proved already that you are little better than false

knaves; and it will go near to be thought so shortly. How answer

you for yourselves?

Con. :

Marry, sir, we say we are none.

Dogb. :

A marvellous witty fellow, I assure you; but I will go about

with him.—Come you hither, sirrah; a word in your ear, sir; I

say to you, it is thought you are false knaves.

Bora. :

Sir, I say to you, we are none.

Dogb. :

Well, stand aside.—Fore God, they are both in a tale:

Have you writ down, that they are none?

Sexton. :

Master constable, you go not the way to examine; you must call

forth the watch that are their accusers.

Dogb. :

Yea, marry, that's the eftest way:—Let the watch come forth:—

Masters, I charge you, in the Prince's name, accuse these men.

1. Watch.

This man said, sir, that don John the prince's brother, was a

villain.

Dogb. :

Write down, prince John a villain:—Why, this is flat perjury,

to call a prince's brother villain.

Bora. :

Master Constable,—

Dogb. :

Pray thee, fellow, peace; I do not like thy look, I promise

thee.

Sexton. :

What heard you him say else?

2. Watch.

Marry, that he had received a thousand ducats of don John,

for accusing the Lady Hero wrongfully.

Dogb. :

Flat burglary, as ever was committed.

Verg. :

Yea, by the mass, that it is.

Sexton. :

What else, fellow?

1. Watch.

And that Count Claudio did mean, upon his words, to disgrace

Hero before the whole assembly, and not marry her.

Dogb. :

O villain! thou wilt be condemned into everlasting redemption

for this.

Sexton. :

What else?

2. Watch

This is all.

Sexton. :

And this is more, masters, than you can deny. Prince John is

this morning secretly stolen away; Hero was in this manner

accused, in this very manner refused, and upon the grief of this

suddenly died.—Master constable, let these men be bound, and

brought to Leonato; I will go before, and show him their

examination.

[Exit.]

Dogb. :

Come, let them be opinioned.

Verg. :

Let them be in the hands—

Con. :

Off, coxcomb!

Dogb. :

God's my life! where's the sexton? let him write down the

prince's officer, coxcomb. Come, bind them:—Thou naughty

varlet!

Con. :

Away! you are an ass, you are an ass.

Dogb. :

Dost thou not suspect my place? Dost thou not suspect my

years?—O that he were here to write me down, an ass! but,

masters, remember that I am an ass; though it be not written

down, yet forget not that I am an ass:—No, thou villain, thou

art full of piety, as shall be proved upon thee by good witness.

I am a wise fellow; and which is more, an officer; and, which is

more, a householder; and, which is more, as pretty a piece of

flesh as any in Messina; and one that knows the law, go to; and

a rich fellow enough, go to; and a fellow that hath had losses;

and one that hath two gowns and everything handsome about him:—

Bring him away. O, that I had been writ down, an ass!

[Exeunt.]