Act I, Scene i:
Street in Messina.

[Enter Leonato, Hero, Beatrice, and others, with a Messenger.]

Leon. :

I learn in this letter, that Don Pedro of Arragon comes this

night to Messina.

Mess. :

He is very near by this; he was not three leagues off when I

left him.

Leon. :

How many gentlemen have you lost in this action?

Mess. :

But few of any sort, and none of name.

Leon. :

A victory is twice itself when the achiever brings home full

numbers. I find here that Don Pedro hath bestowed much honour on

a young Florentine, called Claudio.

Mess. :

Much deserved on his part, and equally remembered by Don Pedro:

He hath borne himself beyond the promise of his age; doing,

in the figure of a lamb, the feats of a lion: he hath, indeed,

better bettered expectation than you must expect of me to tell

you how.

Leon. :

He hath an uncle here in Messina will be very much glad of it.

Mess. :

I have already delivered him letters, and there appears much

joy in him; even so much that joy could not show itself modest

enough without a badge of bitterness.

Leon. :

Did he break out into tears?

Mess. :

In great measure.

Leon. :

A kind overflow of kindness: There are no faces truer than

those that are so washed. How much better is it to weep at joy,

than to joy at weeping!

Beat. :

I pray you, is Signior Montanto returned from the wars or no?

Mess. :

I know none of that name, lady; there was none such in the

army of any sort.

Leon. :

What is he that you ask for, niece?

Hero. :

My cousin means signior Benedick of Padua.

Mess. :

O, he is returned, and as pleasant as ever he was.

Beat. :

He set up his bills here in Messina, and challenged Cupid at

the flight: and my uncle's fool, reading the challenge,

subscribed for Cupid and challenged him at the bird-bolt. I pray

you, how many hath he killed and eaten in these wars? But how

many hath he killed? for indeed I promised to eat all of his

killing.

Leon. :

Faith, niece, you tax Signior Benedick too much; but he'll

be meet with you, I doubt it not.

Mess. :

He hath done good service, lady, in these wars.

Beat. :

You had musty victual, and he hath holp to eat it: he is a

very valiant trencherman, he hath an excellent stomach.

Mess. :

And a good soldier too, lady.

Beat. :

And a good soldier to a lady:—But what is he to a lord?

Mess. :

A lord to a lord, a man to a man; stuffed with all honourable

virtues.

Beat. :

It is so indeed: he is no less than a stuffed man: but for

the stuffing,—Well, we are all mortal.

Leon. :

You must not, sir, mistake my niece: there is a kind of merry

war betwixt signior Benedick and her: they never meet but there

is a skirmish of wit between them.

Beat. :

Alas! he gets nothing by that. In our last conflict, four of

his five wits went halting off, and now is the whole man governed

with one: so that if he have wit enough to keep himself warm, let

him bear it for a difference between himself and his horse; for

it is all the wealth that he hath left, to be known a reasonable

creature. Who is his companion now? He hath every month a new

sworn brother.

Mess. :

Is it possible?

Beat. :

Very easily possible: he wears his faith but as the fashion

of his hat; it ever changes with the next block.

Mess. :

I see, lady, the gentleman is not in your books.

Beat. :

No: an he were, I would burn my study. But I pray you, who is

his companion? Is there no young squarer now, that will make a

voyage with him to the devil?

Mess. :

He is most in the company of the right noble Claudio.

Beat. :

O Lord! he will hang upon him like a disease: he is sooner

caught than the pestilence, and the taker runs presently mad.

God help the noble Claudio! if he have caught the Benedick, it

will cost him a thousand pound ere he be cured.

Mess. :

I will hold friends with you, lady.

Beat. :

Do, good friend.

Leon. :

You will ne'er run mad, niece.

Beat. :

No, not till a hot January.

Mess. :

Don Pedro is approached.

[Enter Don Pedro, attended by Balthazar and others, Don John, Claudio, and Benedick.]

D. Pedro.

Good signior Leonato, you are come to meet your trouble: the

fashion of the world is to avoid cost, and you encounter it.

Leon. :

Never came trouble to my house in the likeness of your grace;

for trouble being gone, comfort should remain; but when you

depart from me sorrow abides, and happiness takes his leave.

D. Pedro.

You embrace your charge too willingly. I think this is your

daughter.

Leon. :

Her mother hath many times told me so.

Bene. :

Were you in doubt that you asked her?

Leon. :

Signior Benedick, no; for then were you a child.

D. Pedro.

You have it full, Benedick: we may guess by this what you

are, being a man. Truly the lady fathers herself:—Be happy,

lady! for you are like an honourable father.

Bene. :

If Signior Leonato be her father, she would not have his head

on her shoulders for all Messina, as like him as she is.

Beat. :

I wonder that you will still be talking, signior Benedick;

nobody marks you.

Bene. :

What, my dear lady Disdain! are you yet living?

Beat. :

Is it possible Disdain should die, while she hath such meet

food to feed it as signior Benedick? Courtesy itself must

convert to disdain if you come in her presence.

Bene. :

Then is courtesy a turncoat:—But it is certain I am loved of

all ladies, only you excepted: and I would I could find in my

heart that I had not a hard heart: for, truly, I love none.

Beat. :

A dear happiness to women; they would else have been troubled

with a pernicious suitor. I thank God, and my cold blood, I am

of your humour for that; I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow,

than a man swear he loves me.

Bene. :

God keep your ladyship still in that mind! so some gentleman

or other shall 'scape a predestinate scratched face.

Beat. :

Scratching could not make it worse, an 't were such a face as

yours were.

Bene. :

Well, you are a rare parrot-teacher.

Beat. :

A bird of my tongue is better than a beast of yours.

Bene. :

I would my horse had the speed of your tongue; and so good a

continuer: But keep your way o' God's name; I have done.

Beat. :

You always end with a jade's trick; I know you of old.

D. Pedro.

That is the sum of all, Leonato.—Signior Claudio, and signior

Benedick,—my dear friend Leonato hath invited you all. I tell

him we shall stay here at the least a month; and he heartly

prays some occasion may detain us longer: I dare swear he is

no hypocrite, but prays from his heart.

Leon. :

If you swear, my lord, you shall not be forsworn.—

Let me bid you welcome, my lord: being reconciled

to the prince your brother, I owe you all duty.

D. John.

I thank you. I am not of many words, but I thank you.

Leon. :

Please it your grace lead on?

D. Pedro.

Your hand, Leonato; we will go together.

[Exeunt all but Benedick and Claudio.]

Claud. :

Benedick, didst thou note the daughter of signior Leonato?

Bene. :

I noted her not: but I looked on her.

Claud. :

Is she not a modest young lady?

Bene. :

Do you question me as an honest man should do, for my simple

true judgment; or would you have me speak after my custom, as

being a professed tyrant to their sex?

Claud. :

No, I pray thee, speak in sober judgment.

Why, i' faith, methinks she's too low for a high praise,

too brown for a fair praise, and too little for a great praise;

only this commendation I can afford her: that were she other

than she is, she were unhandsome; and being no other but as she

is, I do not like her.

Claud. :

Thou thinkest I am in sport; I pray thee tell me truly how

thou likest her.

Bene. :

Would you buy her, that you enquire after her?

Claud. :

Can the world buy such a jewel?

Bene. :

Yea, and a case to put it into. But speak you this with a sad

brow? or do you play the flouting Jack; to tell us Cupid is a

good hare-finder, and Vulcan a rare carpenter? Come, in what key

shall a man take you, to go in the song?

Claud. :

In mine eye she is the sweetest lady that ever I looked on.

Bene. :

I can see yet without spectacles, and I see no such matter:

there's her cousin, an she were not possessed with a fury,

exceeds her as much in beauty as the first of May doth the

last of December. But I hope you have no intent to turn

husband; have you?

Claud. :

I would scarce trust myself, though I had sworn the

contrary, if Hero would be my wife.

Bene. :

Is't come to this, i' faith? Hath not the world one man but

he will wear his cap with suspicion? Shall I never see a

bachelor of three-score again? Go to, i' faith: an thou wilt

needs thrust thy neck into a yoke, wear the print of it, and

sigh away Sundays. Look, Don Pedro is returned to seek you.

[Re-enter Don Pedro.]

D. Pedro.

What secret hath held you here, that you followed not to

Leonato's?

Bene. :

I would your Grace would constrain me to tell.

D. Pedro.

I charge thee on thy allegiance.

Bene. :

You hear, count Claudio: I can be secret as a dumb man, I

would have you think so; but on my allegiance,—mark you this, on

my allegiance:—He is in love. With who?—now that is your

Grace's part.—Mark how short his answer is:—With Hero,

Leonato's short daughter.

Claud. :

If this were so, so were it uttered.

Bene. :

Like the old tale, my lord: 'it is not so, nor 't was not so;

but, indeed, God forbid it should be so.'

Claud. :

If my passion change not shortly, God forbid it should be

otherwise.

D. Pedro.

Amen, if you love her; for the lady is very well worthy.

Claud. :

You speak this to fetch me in, my lord.

D. Pedro.

By my troth I speak my thought.

Claud. :

And in faith, my lord, I spoke mine.

Bene. :

And by my two faiths and troths, my lord, I spoke mine.

Claud. :

That I love her, I feel.

D. Pedro.

That she is worthy, I know.

Bene. :

That I neither feel how she should be loved, nor know how she

should be worthy, is the opinion that fire cannot melt out of me:

I will die in it at the stake.

D. Pedro.

Thou wast ever an obstinate heretic in the despite of beauty.

Claud. :

And never could maintain his part but in the force of his

will.

Bene. :

That a woman conceived me, I thank her; that she brought me up,

I likewise give her most humble thanks: but that I will have

a recheat winded in my forehead, or hang my bugle in an invisible

baldrick, all women shall pardon me: Because, I will not do them

the wrong to mistrust any, I will do myself the right to trust

none; and the fine is (for the which I may go the finer,) I will

live a bachelor.

D. Pedro.

I shall see thee, ere I die, look pale with love.

Bene. :

With anger, with sickness, or with hunger, my lord; not with

love: prove that ever I lose more blood with love than I will get

again with drinking, pick out mine eyes with a ballad-maker's

pen, and hang me up at the door of a brothel house for the sign of

blind Cupid.

D. Pedro.

Well, if ever thou dost fall from this faith thou wilt

prove a notable argument.

Bene. :

If I do, hang me in a bottle like a cat, and shoot at me; and

he that hits me let him be clapped on the shoulder and called

Adam.

D. Pedro.

Well, as time shall try:

'In time the savage bull doth bear the yoke.'

Bene. :

The savage bull may; but if ever this sensible Benedick bear

it, pluck off the bull's horns and set them in my forehead: and

let me be vilely painted; and in such great letters as they write

'Here is good horse to hire,' let them signify under my sign,

'Here you may see Benedick the married man.'

Claud. :

If this should ever happen thou wouldst be horn-mad.

D. Pedro.

Nay, if Cupid have not spent all his quiver in Venice, thou

wilt quake for this shortly.

Bene. :

I look for an earthquake too then.

D. Pedro.

Well, you will temporize with the hours. In the meantime,

good signior Benedick, repair to Leonato's: commend me to him,

and tell him I will not fail him at supper; for indeed, he

hath made great preparation.

Bene. :

I have almost matter enough in me for such an embassage; and

so I commit you—

Claud. :

To the tuition of God: From my house (if I had it)—

D. Pedro.

The sixth of July: Your loving friend, Benedick.

Bene. :

Nay, mock not, mock not: The body of your discourse is

sometime guarded with fragments, and the guards are but slightly

basted on neither: ere you flout old ends any further, examine

your conscience; and so I leave you.

[Exit Benedick.]

Claud. :

My liege, your highness now may do me good.

D. Pedro.

My love is thine to teach; teach it but how,

And thou shalt see how apt it is to learn

Any hard lesson that may do thee good.

Claud. :

Hath Leonato any son, my lord?

D. Pedro.

No child but Hero, she's his only heir:

Dost thou affect her, Claudio?

Claud. :

O my lord,

When you went onward on this ended action,

I look'd upon her with a soldier's eye,

That lik'd, but had a rougher task in hand

Than to drive liking to the name of love:

But now I am return'd and that war-thoughts

Have left their places vacant, in their rooms

Come thronging soft and delicate desires,

All prompting me how fair young Hero is,

Saying I lik'd her ere I went to wars.

D. Pedro.

Thou wilt be like a lover presently,

And tire the hearer with a book of words:

If thou dost love fair Hero, cherish it;

And I will break with her;[and with her father, And thou shalt have her:]Was't not to this end,

That thou begann'st to twist so fine a story?

Claud. :

How sweetly do you minister to love,

That know love's grief by his complexion!

But lest my liking might too sudden seem,

I would have salv'd it with a longer treatise.

D. Pedro.

What need the bridge much broader than the flood?

The fairest grant is the necessity:

Look, what will serve is fit: 't is once, thou lovest;

And I will fit thee with the remedy.

I know we shall have revelling to-night;

I will assume thy part in some disguise,

And tell fair Hero I am Claudio;

And in her bosom I'll unclasp my heart,

And take her hearing prisoner with the force

And strong encounter of my amorous tale:

Then, after, to her father will I break;

And the conclusion is, she shall be thine:

In practice let us put it presently.

[Exeunt.]