READ STUDY GUIDE: Act II, scene i |
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Act II, Scene i:
A hall in Leonato's house.
A hall in Leonato's house.
| [Enter Leonato, Antonio, Hero, Beatrice, and others.] |
| Leon. : |
| Was not Count John here at supper? |
| Ant. : |
| I saw him not. |
| Beat. : |
| How tartly that gentleman looks! I never can see him but I am |
| heart-burned an hour after. |
| Hero. : |
| He is of a very melancholy disposition. |
| Beat. : |
| He were an excellent man that were made just in the mid-way |
| between him and Benedick; the one is too like an image, and says |
| nothing; and the other too like my lady's eldest son, evermore |
| tattling. |
| Leon. : |
| Then half signior Benedick's tongue in count John's mouth, |
| and half count John's melancholy in signior Benedick's face,— |
| Beat. : |
| With a good leg, and a good foot, uncle, and money enough in |
| his purse, such a man would win any woman in the world,—if he |
| could get her good will. |
| Leon. : |
| By my troth, niece, thou wilt never get thee a husband if |
| thou be so shrewd of thy tongue. |
| Ant. : |
| In faith, she is too curst. |
| Beat. : |
| Too curst is more than curst: I shall lessen God's sending |
| that way: for it is said, 'God sends a curst cow short horns;' |
| but to a cow too curst he sends none. |
| Leon. : |
| So, by being too curst God will send you no horns. |
| Beat. : |
| Just, if he send me no husband; for the which blessing I am |
| at him upon my knees every morning and evening: Lord! I could not |
| endure a husband with a beard on his face: I had rather lie |
| inwoollen! |
| Leon. : |
| You may light upon a husband that hath no beard. |
| Beat. : |
| What should I do with him? dress him in my apparel and make |
| him my waiting gentlewoman? He that hath a beard is more than a |
| youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a man: and he that |
| is more than a youth is not for me; and he that is less than a |
| man I am not for him: Therefore I will even take sixpence in |
| earnest of the bearward, and lead his apes into hell. |
| Leon. : |
| Well then, go you into hell? |
| Beat. : |
| No; but to the gate; and there will the devil meet me, like an |
| old cuckold, with horns on his head, and say, 'Get you to heaven, |
| Beatrice, get you to heaven; here's no place for you maids:' So |
| deliver I up my apes, and away to Saint Peter: for the heavens, |
| he shows me where the bachelors sit, and there live we as merry |
| as the day is long. |
| Ant. : |
| Well, niece,[to Hero]I trust you will be ruled by your |
| father. |
| Beat. : |
| Yes, faith; it is my cousin's duty to make courtesy, and say, |
| 'Father, as it please you:' but yet for all that, cousin, let him |
| be a handsome fellow, or else make another courtesy, and say, |
| 'Father, as it please me.' |
| Leon. : |
| Well, niece, I hope to see you one day fitted with a husband. |
| Beat. : |
| Not till God make men of some other metal than earth. Would |
| it not grieve a woman to be overmastered with a piece of valiant |
| dust? to make an account of her life to a clod of wayward marl? |
| No, uncle, I'll none: Adam's sons are my brethren, and truly I |
| hold it a sin to match in my kindred. |
| Leon. : |
| Daughter, remember what I told you: if the prince do solicit |
| you in that kind, you know your answer. |
| Beat. : |
| The fault will be in the music, cousin, if you be not wooed |
| in good time: if the prince be too important, tell him there is |
| measure in everything, and so dance out the answer. For, hear |
| me, Hero: Wooing, wedding, and repenting is as a Scotch jig, a |
| measure, and a cinque-pace: the first suit is hot and hasty, like |
| a Scotch jig, and full as fantastical; the wedding, |
| mannerly-modest, as a measure full of state and ancientry; and |
| then comes repentance, and, with his bad legs falls into the |
| cinque-pace faster and faster, till he sink into his grave. |
| Leon. : |
| Cousin, you apprehend passing shrewdly. |
| Beat. : |
| have a good eye, uncle; I can see a church by daylight. |
| Leon. : |
| The revellers are entering, brother. Make good room. |
| [Enter Don Pedro, Claudio, Benedick, Balthazar; Don John, Borachio, Margaret, Ursula, and others, masked.] |
| D. Pedro. |
| Lady, will you walk about with your friend? |
| Hero. : |
| So you walk softly, and look sweetly and say nothing, |
| I am yours for the walk; and, especially, when I walk away. |
| D. Pedro. |
| With me in your company? |
| Hero. : |
| I may say so when I please. |
| D. Pedro. |
| And when please you to say so? |
| Hero. : |
| When I like your favour; for God defend the lute should be |
| like the case! |
| D. Pedro. |
| My visor is Philemon's roof; within the house is Jove. |
| Hero. : |
| Why, then your visor should be thatch'd. |
| D. Pedro. |
| Speak low if you speak love. |
| [Takes her aside.] |
| Balth. : |
| Well, I would you did like me. |
| Marg. : |
| So would not I, for your own sake, for I have many ill qualities. |
| Balth. : |
| Which is one? |
| Marg. : |
| I say my prayers aloud. |
| Balth. : |
| I love you the better; the hearers may cry, Amen. |
| Marg. : |
| God match me with a good dancer! |
| Balth. : |
| Amen. |
| Marg. : |
| And God keep him out of my sight, when the dance is done! |
| —Answer, clerk. |
| Balth. : |
| No more words; the clerk is answered. |
| Urs. : |
| I know you well enough. You are signior Antonio. |
| Ant. : |
| At a word, I am not. |
| Urs. : |
| I know you by the waggling of your head. |
| Ant. : |
| To tell you true, I counterfeit him. |
| Urs. : |
| You could never do him so ill-well, unless you were the very |
| man. Here's his dry hand up and down; you are he, you are he. |
| Ant. : |
| At a word, I am not. |
| Urs. : |
| Come, come; do you think I do not know you by your excellent |
| wit? Can virtue hide itself? Go to, mum, you are he: graces |
| will appear, and there's an end. |
| Beat. : |
| Will you not tell me who told you so? |
| Bene. : |
| No, you shall pardon me. |
| Beat. : |
| Nor will you not tell me who you are? |
| Bene. : |
| Not now. |
| Beat. : |
| That I was disdainful, and that I had my good wit out of the |
| 'Hundred merry Tales;'—Well, this was signior Benedick that said |
| so. |
| Bene. : |
| What's he? |
| Beat. : |
| I am sure you know him well enough. |
| Bene. : |
| Not I, believe me. |
| Beat. : |
| Did he never make you laugh? |
| Bene. : |
| I pray you, what is he? |
| Beat. : |
| Why, he is the Prince's jester: a very dull fool; only his |
| gift is in devising impossible slanders; none but libertines |
| delight in him; and the commendation is not in his wit but in |
| his villany; for he both pleaseth men and angers them, and then |
| they laugh at him and beat him: I am sure he is in the fleet; |
| I would he had boarded me. |
| Bene. : |
| When I know the gentleman, I'll tell him what you say. |
| Beat. : |
| Do, do: he'll but break a comparison or two on me; which, |
| peradventure, not marked, or not laughed at, strikes him into |
| melancholy; and then there's a partridge' wing saved, for the |
| fool will eat no supper that night.[Music within.]We must |
| follow the leaders. |
| Bene. : |
| In every good thing. |
| Beat. : |
| Nay, if they lead to any ill, I will leave them at the next |
| turning. |
| [Dance. Then exeunt all but Don John, Borachio, and Claudio] . |
| D. John. |
| Sure, my brother is amorous on Hero and hath withdrawn her |
| father to break with him about it: The ladies follow her, and but |
| one visor remains. |
| Bora. : |
| And that is Claudio: I know him by his bearing. |
| D. John. |
| Are you not signior Benedick? |
| Claud. : |
| You know me well; I am he. |
| D. John. |
| Signior, you are very near my brother in his love: he is |
| enamour'd on Hero; I pray you dissuade him from her, she is no |
| equal for his birth: you may do the part of an honest man in it. |
| Claud. : |
| How know you he loves her? |
| D. John. |
| I heard him swear his affection. |
| Bora. : |
| So did I too; and he swore he would marry her to-night. |
| D. John. |
| Come, let us to the banquet. |
| [Exeunt Don John and Borachio.] |
| Claud. : |
| Thus answer I in name of Benedick, |
| But hear these ill news with the ears of Claudio. |
| 'T is certain so;—the prince woos for himself. |
| Friendship is constant in all other things, |
| Save in the office and affairs of love: |
| Therefore all hearts in love use their own tongues; |
| Let every eye negociate for itself, |
| And trust no agent: for beauty is a witch, |
| Against whose charms faith melteth into blood. |
| This is an accident of hourly proof |
| Which I mistrusted not: Farewell, therefore, Hero! |
| [Re-enter Benedick.] |
| Bene. : |
| Count Claudio? |
| Claud. : |
| Yea, the same. |
| Bene. : |
| Come, will you go with me? |
| Claud. : |
| Whither? |
| Bene. : |
| Even to the next willow, about your own business, count. What |
| fashion will you wear the garland of? About your neck, like an |
| usurer's chain? or under your arm, like a lieutenant's scarf? |
| You must wear it one way, for the Prince hath got your Hero. |
| Claud. : |
| I wish him joy of her. |
| Bene. : |
| Why, that's spoken like an honest drover; so they sell |
| bullocks. But did you think the Prince would have served you |
| thus? |
| Claud. : |
| I pray you, leave me. |
| Bene. : |
| Ho! now you strike like the blind man; 't was the boy that |
| stole your meat, and you'll beat the post. |
| Claud. : |
| If it will not be, I'll leave you. |
| [Exit.] |
| Bene. : |
| Alas! poor hurt fowl! Now will he creep into sedges. But |
| that my Lady Beatrice should know me, and not know me! The |
| prince's fool!—Ha, it may be I go under that title because I am |
| merry.—Yea; but so; I am apt to do myself wrong: I am not so |
| reputed: it is the base though bitter disposition of Beatrice, |
| that puts the world into her person, and so gives me out. Well, |
| I'll be revenged as I may. |
| [Re-enter Don Pedro.] |
| D. Pedro. |
| Now, signior, where's the count; Did you see him? |
| Bene. : |
| Troth, my lord, I have played the part of Lady Fame. I found |
| him here as melancholy as a lodge in a warren; I told him, and I |
| think I told him true, that your grace had got the will of |
| this young lady; and I offered him my company to a willow-tree, |
| either to make him a garland, as being forsaken, or to bind him |
| a rod, as being worthy to be whipped. |
| D. Pedro. |
| To be whipped! What's his fault? |
| Bene. : |
| The flat transgression of a schoolboy; who, being overjoy'd with |
| finding a bird's nest shows it his companion, and he steals it. |
| D. Pedro. |
| Wilt thou make a trust a transgression? the transgression is |
| in the stealer. |
| Bene. : |
| Yet it had not been amiss the rod had been made, and the |
| garland too; for the garland he might have worn himself; and the |
| rod he might have bestowed on you, who, as I take it, have stolen |
| his bird's nest. |
| D. Pedro. |
| I will but teach them to sing, and restore them to the owner. |
| Bene. : |
| If their singing answer your saying, by my faith, you say |
| honestly. |
| D. Pedro. |
| The Lady Beatrice hath a quarrel to you; the gentleman that |
| danced with her told her she is much wrong'd by you. |
| Bene. : |
| O, she misused me past the endurance of a block: an oak, but |
| with one green leaf on it, would have answered her; my very visor |
| began to assume life and scold with her: She told me, not |
| thinking I had been myself, that I was the prince's jester, and |
| that I was duller than a great thaw; huddling jest upon jest, with |
| such impossible conveyance upon me, that I stood like a man at a mark, |
| with a whole army shooting at me: She speaks poniards, and every |
| word stabs: if her breath were as terrible as her terminations, |
| there were no living near her; she would infect to the North |
| Star. I would not marry her though she were endowed with all |
| that Adam had left him before he transgressed: she would have made |
| Hercules have turned spit; yea, and have cleft his club to make |
| the fire too. Come, talk not of her: you shall find her the |
| infernal Ate in good apparel. I would to God some scholar would |
| conjure her; for, certainly, while she is here, a man may live as |
| quiet in hell as in a sanctuary; and people sin upon purpose |
| because they would go thither; so, indeed, all disquiet, horror, |
| and perturbation follows her. |
| [Re-enter Claudio, Beatrice, Leonato, and Hero.] |
| D. Pedro. |
| Look, here she comes. |
| Bene. : |
| Will your grace command me any service to the world's end? I |
| will go on the slightest errand now to the Antipodes, that you |
| can devise to send me on; I will fetch you a toothpicker now from |
| the farthest inch of Asia; bring you the length of Prester John's |
| foot; fetch you a hair off the great Cham's beard; do you any |
| embassage to the Pygmies,—rather than hold three words' |
| conference with this harpy: You have no employment for me? |
| D. Pedro. |
| None, but to desire your good company. |
| Bene. : |
| O God, sir, here's a dish I love not; I cannot endure my Lady |
| Tongue. |
| [Exit.] |
| D. Pedro. |
| Come, lady, come; you have lost the heart of signior Benedick. |
| Beat. : |
| Indeed, my lord, he lent it me a while; and I gave him use for |
| it—a double heart for a single one: marry, once before he won |
| it of me with false dice, therefore your grace may well say I |
| have lost it. |
| D. Pedro. |
| You have put him down, lady, you have put him down. |
| Beat. : |
| So I would not he should do me, my lord, lest I should prove |
| the mother of fools. I have brought count Claudio, whom you sent |
| me to seek. |
| D. Pedro. |
| Why, how now, count? wherefore are you sad? |
| Claud. : |
| Not sad, my lord. |
| D. Pedro. |
| How then? sick? |
| Claud. : |
| Neither, my lord. |
| Beat. : |
| The count is neither sad, nor sick, nor merry, nor well: but |
| civil, count; civil as an orange, and something of that jealous |
| complexion. |
| D. Pedro. |
| I' faith, lady, I think your blazon to be true; though I'll |
| be sworn, if he be so, his conceit is false. Here, Claudio, I |
| have wooed in thy name, and fair Hero is won; I have broke with |
| her father, and his good will obtained: name the day of marriage, |
| and God give thee joy! |
| Leon. : |
| Count, take of me my daughter, and with her my fortunes; his |
| grace hath made the match, and all grace say Amen to it! |
| Beat. : |
| Speak, Count, 'tis your cue. |
| Claud. : |
| Silence is the perfectest herald of joy: I were but little |
| happy if I could say how much. Lady, as you are mine, I am |
| yours: I give away myself for you, and dote upon the exchange. |
| Beat. : |
| Speak, cousin; or, if you cannot, stop his mouth with a kiss, |
| and let not him speak neither. |
| D. Pedro. |
| In faith, lady, you have a merry heart. |
| Beat. : |
| Yea, my lord, I thank it; poor fool, it keeps on the windy |
| side of care:—My cousin tells him in his ear that he is in her |
| heart. |
| Claud. : |
| And so she doth, cousin. |
| Beat. : |
| Good Lord, for alliance!—Thus goes every one to the world but |
| I, and I am sunburned; I may sit in a corner, and cry, heigh-ho |
| for a husband! |
| D. Pedro. |
| Lady Beatrice, I will get you one. |
| Beat. : |
| I would rather have one of your father's getting: Hath your |
| grace ne'er a brother like you? Your father got excellent |
| husbands, if a maid could come by them. |
| D. Pedro. |
| Will you have me, lady? |
| Beat. : |
| No, my lord, unless I might have another for working-days; |
| your grace is too costly to wear every day: But, I beseech your |
| grace pardon me. I was born to speak all mirth, and no matter. |
| D. Pedro. |
| Your silence most offends me, and to be merry best becomes |
| you; for, out of question, you were born in a merry hour. |
| Beat. : |
| No, sure, my lord, my mother cried; but then there was a star |
| danced, and under that was I born.—Cousins, God give you joy! |
| Leon. : |
| Niece, will you look to those things I told you of? |
| Beat. : |
| I cry you mercy, uncle.—By your grace's pardon. |
| [Exit Beatrice.] |
| D. Pedro. |
| By my troth, a pleasant-spirited lady. |
| Leon. : |
| There's little of the melancholy element in her, my lord: she |
| is never sad, but when she sleeps; and not ever sad then; for I |
| have heard my daughter say she hath often dreamt of unhappiness, |
| and waked herself with laughing. |
| D. Pedro. |
| She cannot endure to hear tell of a husband. |
| Leon. : |
| O, by no means; she mocks all her wooers out of suit. |
| D. Pedro. |
| She were an excellent wife for Benedick. |
| Leon. : |
| O Lord, my lord, if they were but a week married they would |
| talk themselves mad. |
| D. Pedro. |
| Count Claudio, when mean you to go to church? |
| Claud. : |
| To-morrow, my lord: Time goes on crutches till love have all |
| his rites. |
| Leon. : |
| Not till Monday, my dear son, which is hence a just seven-night; |
| and a time too brief too, to have all things answer my mind. |
| D. Pedro. |
| Come, you shake the head at so long a breathing;I warrant thee, |
| Claudio, the time shall not go dully by us; |
| I will, in the interim, undertake one of Hercules' labours; which |
| is, to bring signior Benedick and the lady Beatrice into a |
| mountain of affection, the one with the other. I would fain have |
| it a match; and I doubt not but to fashion it, if you three will |
| but minister such assistance as I shall give you direction. |
| Leon. : |
| My lord, I am for you, though it cost me ten nights' |
| watchings. |
| Claud. : |
| And I, my lord. |
| D. Pedro. |
| And you too, gentle Hero? |
| Hero. : |
| I will do any modest office, my lord, to help my cousin to a |
| good husband. |
| D. Pedro. |
| And Benedick is not the unhopefullest husband that I know: |
| thus far can I praise him: he is of a noble strain, of approved |
| valour, and confirm'd honesty. I will teach you how to humour |
| your cousin, that she shall fall in love with Benedick:—and I, |
| with your two helps, will so practise on Benedick, that, in |
| despite of his quick wit and his queasy stomach, he shall fall |
| in love with Beatrice. If we can do this, Cupid is no longer |
| an archer; his glory shall be ours, for we are the only love-gods. |
| Go in with me, and I will tell you my drift. |
| [Exeunt.] |
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