READ STUDY GUIDE: Act II |
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Act II, Scene i:
The Grecian camp
The Grecian camp
| [Enter Ajax and THERSITES.] |
| AJAX.: |
| Thersites! |
| THERSITES.: |
| Agamemnon—how if he had boils full, an over, generally? |
| AJAX.: |
| Thersites! |
| THERSITES.: |
| And those boils did run—say so. Did not the general run |
| then? Were not that a botchy core? |
| AJAX.: |
| Dog! |
| THERSITES.: |
| Then there would come some matter from him; |
| I see none now. |
| AJAX.: |
| Thou bitch-wolf's son, canst thou not hear? Feel, then. |
| [Strikes him.] |
| THERSITES.: |
| The plague of Greece upon thee, thou mongrel beef-witted |
| lord! |
| AJAX.: |
| Speak, then, thou whinid'st leaven, speak. I will beat thee |
| into handsomeness. |
| THERSITES.: |
| I shall sooner rail thee into wit and holiness; but I |
| think thy horse will sooner con an oration than thou learn a |
| prayer without book. Thou canst strike, canst thou? A red murrain |
| o' thy jade's tricks! |
| AJAX.: |
| Toadstool, learn me the proclamation. |
| THERSITES.: |
| Dost thou think I have no sense, thou strikest me thus? |
| AJAX.: |
| The proclamation! |
| THERSITES.: |
| Thou art proclaim'd, a fool, I think. |
| AJAX.: |
| Do not, porpentine, do not; my fingers itch. |
| THERSITES.: |
| I would thou didst itch from head to foot and I had the |
| scratching of thee; I would make thee the loathsomest scab in |
| Greece. When thou art forth in the incursions, thou strikest as |
| slow as another. |
| AJAX.: |
| I say, the proclamation. |
| THERSITES.: |
| Thou grumblest and railest every hour on Achilles; and |
| thou art as full of envy at his greatness as Cerberus is at |
| Proserpina's beauty—ay, that thou bark'st at him. |
| AJAX.: |
| Mistress Thersites! |
| THERSITES.: |
| Thou shouldst strike him. |
| AJAX.: |
| Cobloaf! |
| THERSITES.: |
| He would pun thee into shivers with his fist, as a |
| sailor breaks a biscuit. |
| AJAX.: |
| You whoreson cur! |
| [Strikes him.] |
| THERSITES.: |
| Do, do. |
| AJAX.: |
| Thou stool for a witch! |
| THERSITES.: |
| Ay, do, do; thou sodden-witted lord! Thou hast no more |
| brain than I have in mine elbows; an assinico may tutor thee. You |
| scurvy valiant ass! Thou art here but to thrash Troyans, and thou |
| art bought and sold among those of any wit like a barbarian |
| slave. If thou use to beat me, I will begin at thy heel and tell |
| what thou art by inches, thou thing of no bowels, thou! |
| AJAX.: |
| You dog! |
| THERSITES.: |
| You scurvy lord! |
| AJAX.: |
| You cur! |
| [Strikes him.] |
| THERSITES.: |
| Mars his idiot! Do, rudeness; do, camel; do, do. |
| [Enter ACHILLES and PATROCLUS.] |
| ACHILLES.: |
| Why, how now, Ajax! Wherefore do you thus? |
| How now, Thersites! What's the matter, man? |
| THERSITES.: |
| You see him there, do you? |
| ACHILLES.: |
| Ay; what's the matter? |
| THERSITES.: |
| Nay, look upon him. |
| ACHILLES.: |
| So I do. What's the matter? |
| THERSITES.: |
| Nay, but regard him well. |
| ACHILLES.: |
| Well! why, so I do. |
| THERSITES.: |
| But yet you look not well upon him; for who some ever |
| you take him to be, he is Ajax. |
| ACHILLES.: |
| I know that, fool. |
| THERSITES.: |
| Ay, but that fool knows not himself. |
| AJAX.: |
| Therefore I beat thee. |
| THERSITES.: |
| Lo, lo, lo, lo, what modicums of wit he utters! His |
| evasions have ears thus long. I have bobb'd his brain more than |
| he has beat my bones. I will buy nine sparrows for a penny, and |
| his pia mater is not worth the ninth part of a sparrow. This |
| lord, Achilles, Ajax—who wears his wit in his belly and his guts |
| in his head—I'll tell you what I say of him. |
| ACHILLES.: |
| What? |
| THERSITES.: |
| I say this Ajax— |
| [AJAX offers to strike him.] |
| ACHILLES.: |
| Nay, good Ajax. |
| THERSITES.: |
| Has not so much wit— |
| ACHILLES.: |
| Nay, I must hold you. |
| THERSITES.: |
| As will stop the eye of Helen's needle, for whom he |
| comes to fight. |
| ACHILLES.: |
| Peace, fool. |
| THERSITES.: |
| I would have peace and quietness, but the fool will not— |
| he there; that he; look you there. |
| AJAX.: |
| O thou damned cur! I shall— |
| ACHILLES.: |
| Will you set your wit to a fool's? |
| THERSITES.: |
| No, I warrant you, the fool's will shame it. |
| PATROCLUS.: |
| Good words, Thersites. |
| ACHILLES.: |
| What's the quarrel? |
| AJAX.: |
| I bade the vile owl go learn me the tenour of the |
| proclamation, and he rails upon me. |
| THERSITES.: |
| I serve thee not. |
| AJAX.: |
| Well, go to, go to. |
| THERSITES.: |
| I serve here voluntary. |
| ACHILLES.: |
| Your last service was suff'rance; 'twas not voluntary. No |
| man is beaten voluntary. Ajax was here the voluntary, and you as |
| under an impress. |
| THERSITES.: |
| E'en so; a great deal of your wit too lies in your |
| sinews, or else there be liars. Hector shall have a great catch |
| an he knock out either of your brains: 'a were as good crack a |
| fusty nut with no kernel. |
| ACHILLES.: |
| What, with me too, Thersites? |
| THERSITES.: |
| There's Ulysses and old Nestor—whose wit was mouldy ere |
| your grandsires had nails on their toes—yoke you like draught |
| oxen, and make you plough up the wars. |
| ACHILLES.: |
| What, what? |
| THERSITES.: |
| Yes, good sooth. To Achilles, to Ajax, to— |
| AJAX.: |
| I shall cut out your tongue. |
| THERSITES.: |
| 'Tis no matter; I shall speak as much as thou |
| afterwards. |
| PATROCLUS.: |
| No more words, Thersites; peace! |
| THERSITES.: |
| I will hold my peace when Achilles' brach bids me, shall I? |
| ACHILLES.: |
| There's for you, Patroclus. |
| THERSITES.: |
| I will see you hang'd like clotpoles ere I come any more |
| to your tents. I will keep where there is wit stirring, and leave |
| the faction of fools. |
| [Exit.] |
| PATROCLUS.: |
| A good riddance. |
| ACHILLES.: |
| Marry, this, sir, is proclaim'd through all our host, |
| That Hector, by the fifth hour of the sun, |
| Will with a trumpet 'twixt our tents and Troy, |
| To-morrow morning, call some knight to arms |
| That hath a stomach; and such a one that dare |
| Maintain I know not what; 'tis trash. Farewell. |
| AJAX.: |
| Farewell. Who shall answer him? |
| ACHILLES.: |
| I know not; 'tis put to lott'ry. Otherwise. He knew his man. |
| AJAX.: |
| O, meaning you! I will go learn more of it. |
| [Exeunt.] |
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