Act II, Scene iii:
3. The same. A street

[Enter LAUNCE, leading a dog.]

LAUNCE:

Nay, 'twill be this hour ere I have done weeping; all the

kind of the Launces have this very fault. I have received my

proportion, like the prodigious son, and am going with Sir

Proteus to the imperial's court. I think Crab my dog be the

sourest-natured dog that lives: my mother weeping, my father

wailing, my sister crying, our maid howling, our cat wringing her

hands, and all our house in a great perplexity; yet did not this

cruel-hearted cur shed one tear. He is a stone, a very pebble

stone, and has no more pity in him than a dog; a Jew would have

wept to have seen our parting; why, my grandam having no eyes,

look you, wept herself blind at my parting. Nay, I'll show you

the manner of it. This shoe is my father; no, this left shoe is

my father; no, no, left shoe is my mother; nay, that cannot be so

neither; yes, it is so, it is so, it hath the worser sole. This

shoe with the hole in it is my mother, and this my father. A

vengeance on 't! There 'tis: now, sir, this staff is my sister,

for, look you, she is as white as a lily and as small as a wand;

this hat is Nan our maid; I am the dog; no, the dog is himself,

and I am the dog—O! the dog is me, and I am myself; ay, so, so.

Now come I to my father: 'Father, your blessing.' Now should not

the shoe speak a word for weeping; now should I kiss my father;

well, he weeps on. Now come I to my mother;—O, that she could

speak now like a wood woman! Well, I kiss her; why there 'tis;

here's my mother's breath up and down. Now come I to my sister;

mark the moan she makes. Now the dog all this while sheds not a

tear, nor speaks a word; but see how I lay the dust with my

tears.

[Enter PANTHINO.]

PANTHINO:

Launce, away, away, aboard! Thy master is shipped, and

thou art to post after with oars. What's the matter? Why weep'st

thou, man? Away, ass! You'll lose the tide if you tarry any

longer.

LAUNCE:

It is no matter if the tied were lost; for it is the

unkindest tied that ever any man tied.

PANTHINO:

What's the unkindest tide?

LAUNCE:

Why, he that's tied here, Crab, my dog.

PANTHINO:

Tut, man, I mean thou'lt lose the flood, and, in losing

the flood, lose thy voyage, and, in losing thy voyage, lose thy

master, and, in losing thy master, lose thy service, and, in

losing thy service,—Why dost thou stop my mouth?

LAUNCE:

For fear thou shouldst lose thy tongue.

PANTHINO:

Where should I lose my tongue?

LAUNCE:

In thy tale.

PANTHINO:

In thy tail!

LAUNCE:

Lose the tide, and the voyage, and the master, and the

service, and the tied! Why, man, if the river were dry, I am able

to fill it with my tears; if the wind were down, I could drive

the boat with my sighs.

PANTHINO:

Come, come away, man; I was sent to call thee.

LAUNCE:

Sir, call me what thou darest.

PANTHINO:

Will thou go?

LAUNCE:

Well, I will go.

[Exeunt.]