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The Two Gentlemen of Verona
  

READ STUDY GUIDE: Act II, scenes v-vi

Act II, Scene v:
5. The same. A street
 
[Enter SPEED and LAUNCE.]
SPEED:
Launce! by mine honesty, welcome to Milan!
LAUNCE:
Forswear not thyself, sweet youth, for I am not welcome. I
reckon this always, that a man is never undone till he be hanged,
nor never welcome to a place till some certain shot be paid, and
the hostess say 'Welcome!'
SPEED:
Come on, you madcap; I'll to the alehouse with you
presently; where, for one shot of five pence, thou shalt have
five thousand welcomes. But, sirrah, how did thy master part with
Madam Julia?
LAUNCE:
Marry, after they clos'd in earnest, they parted very
fairly in jest.
SPEED:
But shall she marry him?
LAUNCE:
No.
SPEED:
How then? Shall he marry her?
LAUNCE:
No, neither.
SPEED:
What, are they broken?
LAUNCE:
No, they are both as whole as a fish.
SPEED:
Why then, how stands the matter with them?
LAUNCE:
Marry, thus: when it stands well with him, it stands well
with her.
SPEED:
What an ass art thou! I understand thee not.
LAUNCE:
What a block art thou that thou canst not! My staff
understands me.
SPEED:
What thou sayest?
LAUNCE:
Ay, and what I do too; look thee, I'll but lean, and my
staff understands me.
SPEED:
It stands under thee, indeed.
LAUNCE:
Why, stand-under and under-stand is all one.
SPEED:
But tell me true, will't be a match?
LAUNCE:
Ask my dog. If he say ay, it will; if he say no, it will; if
he shake his tail and say nothing, it will.
SPEED:
The conclusion is, then, that it will.
LAUNCE:
Thou shalt never get such a secret from me but by a
parable.
SPEED:
'Tis well that I get it so. But, Launce, how sayest thou
that my master is become a notable lover?
LAUNCE:
I never knew him otherwise.
SPEED:
Than how?
LAUNCE:
A notable lubber, as thou reportest him to be.
SPEED:
Why, thou whoreson ass, thou mistak'st me.
LAUNCE:
Why, fool, I meant not thee, I meant thy master.
SPEED:
I tell thee my master is become a hot lover.
LAUNCE:
Why, I tell thee I care not though he burn himself in love.
If thou wilt, go with me to the alehouse; if not, thou art an
Hebrew, a Jew, and not worth the name of a Christian.
SPEED:
Why?
LAUNCE:
Because thou hast not so much charity in thee as to go to
the ale with a Christian. Wilt thou go?
SPEED:
At thy service.
[Exeunt.]
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